Griper Blade: 2007 in Review

I have a few observations for 2006, but I'll keep that part of the post short. Everyone does 'The Year in Review' and I'm sure someone can do a more comprehensive job of it than I can. I watched the state funeral for Gerald Ford last night and it struck me that Bush not being there was a good thing. Assumedly grounded in Texas by lousy weather, the president couldn't see off another president. Dick Cheney did what vice presidents do and stood in for him. It turns out I can even say something nice about Dick. So the year ends on a positive note.

He's a great public speaker. Bush would've screwed it up, mispronouncing words, stumbling, stuttering. Dick doesn't do that. It's the sort of thing you don't really notice, but Cheney's like a narrator -- I don't think I've ever heard him misspeak. Bush would've mixed up his news stories and said that America mourns the loss of Gerald Ford, the Godfather of Soul. You don't have to worry about that with VP Cheney. Where the United States now has a lousy vice president, it could've had one helluva funeral director. Dick's missed his calling.

Cheney made other news this year, being the first vice president in history to shoot someone in the face with a shotgun. Not much of an achievement, but there ya go. In a moment of in vino veritas, Mel Gibson proved he was freakin' nuts. Iraq continues to suck in new and surprising ways. The death of Saddam Hussein improved the world slightly, but only by throwing the average away from profound evil a little bit. Virginia Senator George Allen got fired for calling some poor kid a monkey and Montana Sen. Conrad Burns got his walking papers for sleeping on the job and being a world class prick. America lost a splendid bunch of fellas on election day. On the personal front, it's raining in Wisconsin and if the weather holds much longer, I'm going to have to mow the lawn. Don't tell me there's no such thing as global warming.

While everyone else is doing 2006 in review, I've decided to get a jump on next year. Here's 2007 in review...

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Tags: news | politics | humor