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Wednesday, October 28, 2009

News Roundup for 10/28/09

Man holds sign reading, 'I ama a moron'
Gordon Klingenschmitt

-Headline of the day-
"Chaplain Violates Obama's 'Hate Crimes' Law by Quoting Bible?"

Guess what the answer to that is?


President Obama signed hate crimes legislation into law today, which is the worst thing he's done since yesterday.In response, rightwing loonie tune Gordon Klingenschmitt -- who's a lot of fun -- says that Christianity is now done for. In a press release, Klingenschmitt said this would make it illegal to quote the Bible!

Not all the time, just sometimes. "In other words, A) pastors may quote the Bible publicly if their 'intention' is the free exercise of religion or speech, but B) pastors may not quote the Bible publicly if their 'intention' is to conspire with listeners to commit an act of violence. This begs the question, if the pastor never announces whether the unspoken "intention" of his heart is A or B, how can any prosecutor, judge, or jury know whether the pastor's secret thoughts intended A) free exercise or B) conspiracy?"

You know what's weird? Prosecutors do that now. If you say something like "I don't like gay people, let's go beat one up," that's pretty clear. If you say something like, "I don't like gay people, let's go beat one up because the Bible says...", that's pretty much the same thing.

Of course, Klingenschmitt may have a little problem understanding that, because he's a proven moron. He doesn't seem to understand how publicly praying for someone to die might encourage some righteous Lamb of God go out and make said someone die.

You really wonder how these frootloops manage to get through the day without decapitating themselves with a potato peeler, don't you? How can you possibly be this dumb and still manage to survive longer than an hour or two?

Maybe it's divine intervention. (Christian Newswire)

-More news from races you don't give a crap about-
Remember the all-important Virginia Governor's race that's a referendum on Obama for the entire nation? The one where, if the Democrat loses (which he will), means Barack Obama will have to resign in disgrace and go back to Kenya or Indonesia or wherever? Well, that's not the only race that you don't care about that you should care about.

NY-23 is the most important thing since the invention of oxygen. Why, even I mentioned it today!

See, there are three candidates in this race; some commie liberal Democrat guy, some commie liberal Republican lady, and a REAL TRUE AMERICAN PATRIOT WHO'S ENDORSED BY SARAH PALIN! This race is so super-important because this one's a referendum on whether the Republican party gets to keep existing. The GOP wants Dede Scozzafava, who's a communist or something, while teabaggers want Douglas Hoffman, who's Ronald Reagan reincarnated as a middle aged accountant. And then there's that Democrat guy -- Bill Hoople or Bob Owens or Bill Owens or something like that. Who even knows?

Anyway, if Scozzafava wins, then that means Sarah Palin will have to go back to the North Pole with her teabagging elves and Christmas will be ruined. If Hoffman wins, then the Republican Party has to throw Michael Steele off a cliff and make Sarah Palin the Pope. The stakes couldn't be higher!

So how's the race look so far?

Scozzafava 29%
Hoffman 23%
Owens 33%

America is clearly doomed... (Raw Story)

-Bonus HotD-
"The Republican Brand in Ruins: 75% of Americans Dislike Republicans; Over 70% Think Palin’s Not Qualified to be President."

The problem with headlines like this is that there's no reason to write the story -- you already know the whole thing. The only thing you can do is try to encapsulate if further, with something "POLLS: GOP FUCKED."

Tea bags forever! w00t! (Firedoglake)

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