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Thursday, November 12, 2009

News Roundup for 11/12/09

Lou Dobbs demands to know;
"You want fries with that?"

-Headline of the day-
"John King to Replace Lou Dobbs; Focus Will Be on Political News."

Did you hear that Lou Dobbs quit? Yeah, he did. Or he was fired. Either way, Lou's gone. Now who will warn us about illegal immigrants spreading leprosy, the coming NAFTA Superhighway, or Mexico's secret plan to reconquer the southwestern United States?

Well, not replacement John King, that's for sure. Most will know King as the guy who screws around with the big touchscreen maps on election nights. I guess he also has some weekend show called State of the Union that some people think is kind of important. I can't watch it, because Mary Matalin and James Carville are regular guests; they're married and I can't help but imagine... Well, you know. Spoils the whole thing for me.

Anyway, John's going to spend a few hours screwing around with a touchscreen or something. And Lou's going to cruise around wherever it is he lives and yell, "GO HOME!" out the window at any Mexicans he sees. How good will King's show be? Who cares? Turns out that the entire audience for Lou Dobbs' Immigrant Hate-Fiesta Tonight was some lazy guy who lost his remote and didn't want to get up to change the channel. According to the report, "In moving Mr. King to a weekday time slot, CNN will seek to improve its dismal evening ratings. According to Nielsen, CNN ranked third among cable news channels in the 7 p.m. hour in October, mirroring its other prime-time declines."

So he can't really screw it up any worse. (New York Times)

-Hell freezes over-
Tuesday on The Daily Show, Jon Stewart busted FOX's Sean Hannity and America's favorite rightwing lunatic Michele Bachmann for showing footage of the larger 9/12 rally in DC and claiming it was taken at Shelly's big "We hate healthy Americans!" rally last Thursday. "If I didn't know any better I'd think they just put two days together and acted like they didn't," Stewart said. And then he showed footage showing that, yeah, that's exactly what they did. But this is both Sean Hannity and FOX News, so no big deal, right? I mean, that's just what they do.

Apparently this was too embarrassing even for the shameless Hannity, which explains this:

Holy... WTF? Was that a retraction? I didn't notice any pigs flying by...

Well, not exactly. Sean claims that his show "screwed up" and that the whole thing was just an "inadvertant mistake." Whoopsie-daisy! Accidentally went months back in the video vault and pulled out the wrong footage. Sure, I'll buy that... Just as soon as I finish lobotomizing myself with this here mellonballer.

You were busted Sean, it was a lie. But will you admit it?

Yeah, FOX doesn't do that. (Media Matters)

-Also on Media Matters...-
...they answer the question, "So, what really happened to Lou Dobbs?" with "CNN President Jonathan Klein probably fired his crazy ass."

Then they do a little happy-dance. (Media Matters)

-Bonus HotD-
"Chuck Norris hears black helicopters whupping: Obama planning a 'one world order,' health-care bill means feds invade homes."

Chuck Norris continues to prove that karate is bad for your head with an appearance on FOX's Wingnut Story Time, with Neal Cavuto.

Ok, it works this way. Healthcare reform leads to Obama taking over the world. The end. There's also some shit about global warming and probably Jesus. Chuck Norris says he's "terrified." Most people call that feeling you've got in your head "a big pile of crazy," Chuck.

If he gets any more "terrified," he's going to wind up in a clocktower with a deer rifle. (Crooks And Liars, with video)

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