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Thursday, September 02, 2010

How to Win a Gubernatorial Debate, the Jan Brewer Way

Arizona Governor Jan Brewer shows up to the first gubernatorial debate well-prepared and ready to kick some ass! Teabags forever! w00t!

OK, so that didn't go so well. You'd think her staff would've clued her in on the fact that you have to actually say things at debates. Dead air and an embarrassed grin don't exactly inspire confidence. Still, as much as it seems like it, time has not stopped and she runs out the clock. Success!

Then the debate turns to her irresponsible "ARIZONA IS A VIOLENT HELLHOLE! PANIC! PANIC!!" messaging and things go from bad to worse. She dodges a question about her beheadings lie, but good questions never actually die. They just lay in wait outside the studio doors like a mountain lion, ready to pounce on the unsuspecting Jan. She leaves the studio and is met by reporters with one subject on their minds -- beheadings.

Yup, she pulls a Sharron Angle and bolts. You get the feeling that, if she knew where the light switch was, she would've thrown the room into darkness. See, this is why supervillains carry those flashbomb things. When things get dicey, you throw one and escape in the smoke, leaving only your sinister cackle behind. So, on this point too, Jan Brewer came unprepared.

So, when all is said and done, who won this debate?

Jan Brewer, of course.

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