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Tuesday, May 13, 2014

Stories to Watch: 5/13/14

Turns out that it's actually possible for Chris Christie's bridge scandal to get even worse.

I certainly hope this is the stupidest, most ignorant statement I'll read this week; Marco Rubio admits that climate change is happening, but says that it's silly to assume it's human-caused because of a mere "handful of decades of research." Consider the amazing dumbfuckery of that phrase -- "handful of decades of research." I'd nominate Rubio for stupidest member of the Senate... if it weren't for the existence of Sen. Ron Johnson, who would lose a battle of wits to a boat anchor. Still, Marco's runner up.

Related: a new study finds that the tipping point is now and that the thaw of Antarctic glaciers may now be irreversible. Keep in mind that people like Rubio admit that climate change is happening, but that we shouldn't do anything about it. Instead, we should all fuck off and literally die, because only a "handful of decades of research" says we can do anything about it. Climate deniers are far, far more evil than the people who denied until it was undeniable that smoking causes cancer. They know better. They know their lies will come with a massive death toll. But they just don't care, because they think they can make a few extra bucks by putting off avoiding all those deaths. Like I said, evil. Beneath contempt.

Of course, this sort of stupidity really is a party-wide phenomenon. Case in point: a Georgia Republican Senate candidate says the gender pay gap doesn't exist because it's never happened to her. This is the level of genius that has them believing that if it's cold where they are, it proves global warming doesn't exist. Needless to say, this is the same sort of reasoning babies use when they cover their face with their hands and think they're hiding -- i.e., they can't see you, therefore you can't see them. It's like they're from a different planet where logic was never developed. Or (and this is far more likely) they hope we are.

I love it when conservatives call Democrats "elitists." Check out the swanky legal bribes Republicans get from the American Enterprise Institute. They're so afraid of what this would look like that they've kept it a secret. It was only through the investigative efforts of the Center for Public Integrity. We're the elitists, yet they're living like French royalty in the last days before The Terror.

In case you missed, Karl Rove is the lowest of the low. Not exactly news, I know.

A filing snafu means that longtime Michigan Democratic Rep. John Conyers is probably going to have to run as a write-in candidate in the primary.

Michael Sam rookies jerseys are selling like hotcakes.

Finally, a nutjob group called "Operation American Spring" says that between 10-30 million 'baggers are going to converge on Washington Friday to drive Pres. Obama and Democrats out of Washington, so if you see a news story about ten or twelve crackpots with misspelled signs, that'll be them.

[cartoon via McClatchy Newspapers]

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