The Stuff I Didn't Get To -- 12/10/08

George W. Bush, Bible Expert Guy

-Headline of the day-
"Bush: Bible 'probably not' literally true."

Speaking to ABC News, George W. Bush gave a big middle finger to his party's fundamentalist evangelical base by telling the network that evolution may be contrary to biblical teaching, but that's OK.

"I think that God created the Earth, created the world; I think the creation of the world is so mysterious it requires something as large as an almighty and I don't think it's incompatible with the scientific proof that there is evolution," Bush said.

Asked if the Bible were literally true, George said, "Probably not. No, I'm not a literalist, but I think you can learn a lot from it."

Yeah George, stories about talking snakes and magic apples probably aren't all that literally true. They might just be what you call yer "metaphors."

So what's the "a lot" we can learn from the Good Book?

"The important lesson is 'God sent a son,'" he said.

Just to be clear, George -- the son we're talking about here is Jesus, not you. Right?

Right?

George? (Agence France-Presse)


-Holy freakin' crap-
Remember the Republic Windows & Doors sit-in in Chicago? You know, the one that was overshadowed by Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich's corruption scandal?

Turns out they got a big win today while no one was looking. RW&D shut down after the Bank of America pulled its credit, leaving workers in the lurch and pretty much stiffed on their benefits. Turns out that after a whole bunch of bad press -- along with Gov. Blagojojejavich's call for the state to suspend all business with the bank -- BoA has rethought their position and has extended credit to RW&D, allowing them to pay the workers what they're owed. According to the report, "The bank appeared to side at least in part with disgruntled workers, expressing concern in a statement Tuesday 'about Republic's failure to pay their employees the Employee Claims to which they are legally entitled.'"

A spokesperson for the union said it was too soon to end the sit-in and the union would have to wait and see what the company would do. But still, an action by organized labor spurs a bank to action? When's the last time you heard that?

It's like everyone was suddenly struck sane or something. Weird... (Associated Press)


-Don't take financial advice from these guys-
Karl Rove and Bill O'Reilly spun like tops in O'Reilly's "No Spin Zone," denying that the world is actually in an economic crisis. Seems the whole thing's a big media conspiracy to help Barack Obama. How does inheriting a big steaming clusterfuck of an economy from George W. Bush help Obama? Well, that's not exactly clear, but that's the way it is, because the two most trustworthy people in the freakin' world -- Karl Rove and Bill O'Reilly -- say so. OK?

There are no economic problems, it's just media hype. Your 401k hasn't lost a dime. Everything's hunky-dory, sunshine and rainbows and angels farting into trumpets. Blue jays flit from gumball tree to gumball tree with banners that read "JOY!" in their beaks. And a bright yellow cartoon sun smiles down across the land, spreading peace, contentment, and two scoops of raisins.

Man, I so want to try whatever drugs these two guys are on. (Alternet, with video)

The Stuff I Didn't Get To -- 7/27/07

Secret CIA assets revealed

-That explains everything-
The New Republic's Michael Crowley notes that roughly one in four americans approve of the way Bush is doing his job. He also points out that one in four believe "The Second Coming will occur this year," "The Jews are responsible for Jesus's death," and "[S]ome of the unidentified flying objects that have been reported are really space vehicles from other civilization."

I've got one of my own. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, "An estimated 26.2 percent of Americans ages 18 and older -- about one in four adults -- suffer from a diagnosable mental disorder in a given year." How much you want to bet that these are all the same one in every four? (The New Republic)

-Aboreal intelligence-
Iranian police have apprehended 14 spies equipped with some sort of spy gadgetry, according to the official Islamic Republic News Agency (IRNA). According to the report, "The IRNA said that the squirrels" -- that's right, squirrels -- "were kitted out by foreign intelligence services -- but were captured two weeks ago by police officers."

OK, so they're on to our Secret Squirrels. We still have the Morroco Moles. (Ananova)

-Truth in advertising-
Beverage giant PepsiCo Inc. has announced it will add wording to it's bottled water labels to indicate it's basically tap water. According to the report, "[T]he world's No. 2 beverage company will include the words 'Public Water Source' on Aquafina labels."

No word on whether PepsiCo will admit that Mountain Dew comes out of a giant space worm's butt...



...but I suppose there's always hope. (Reuters)

The Stuff I Didn't Get To -- 7/5/07

Lake shown overreacting to climate change hysteria

-Nifty-
Check out this bike from the Bamboo Bike Project:



These bikes are supplied to Africa and used as 'cargo bikes' (i.e., delivery vehicles) by local merchants. There are no bike factories in sub-saharan Africa, despite the fact that they're by far the most popular mode of transportation there. The bamboo frame has several advantages in that it's extremely light, very strong, easily repaired, and -- most importantly -- cheap as hell. And, bonus, they look like a prop from Gilligan's Island. How cool is that? (Bamboo Bike Project, via Development Crossing)

-Not having the best week-
From the report, "After getting struck by a car Sunday and beaten by an intruder Monday, Tony Hicks returned to a hospital a third straight day when police investigating a convenience store robbery in Athens [TN] shot him." Sounds less like a case of bad luck and more like a case of bad decision-making.

The car accident sounds less than accidental to me, since the report states that 'Hicks was struck outside his apartment by a car driven by a woman who had been revving the engine.' The next day he was busted in the face with a coffee mug by a 'knife-wielding burglar' -- which makes you wonder what the hell the knife was for. Finally, he was shot by police after making 'aggressive movements' toward cops who wanted to question him about the robbery.

According to the report, "An Athens investigator says the unrelated sequence of hospitalizations--Sunday, Monday and Tuesday--is not the first time police have dealt with Hicks." Probably not the last time, either -- although it may be quite a while before they do. Hicks is facing charges of aggravated robbery and attempted first degree murder in connection to the robbery. (AP)

-Yup, the religious right are still crazy-
The first paragraph from a 700 Club story, "Jeff Harshbarger was only in the third grade when his parents bought an ouija board. It seemed like a lot of fun until he found out that it was no game." The story describes how Harshbarger went from Ouija to satanism, before he was saved by Republican Jesus.

Minions of Satan rejoice! These guys still don't realize the evil we do with the Magic 8-Ball! (700 Club)

-Don't worry, it's just a natural cycle-
Scientists have blamed global warming for the disappearance of a chilean lake that took a grand total of 2 months. "The disappearance of the lake in Bernardo O'Higgins National Park was discovered in late May by park rangers, who were stunned to find a 130-foot deep crater where a large lake had been," the report reads.

Climate change skeptics have called the lake 'alarmist,' demanding that it stop overreacting to 'liberal hype' and reappear. (AP)

The Stuff I Didn't Get To -- 4/19/07

John McCain's foreign policy proposal

-Witness, my ass-
Mark Twain once wrote, "The law is an ass." But I don't think he ever considered the possibility that an ass could be a witness. "The first witness in a lawsuit Wednesday between two neighbors was Buddy the donkey, who walked to the bench and stared at the jury, the picture of a gentle, well-mannered creature and not the loud, aggressive animal he had been accused of being," AP reports. Neighbors had complained about 'donkey noise' and manure piles in the suit. The defense may be able to prove that Buddy's quiet, but I can guarantee they'll never be able to prove he doesn't generate manure... (AP)

-Once again, John McCain is nuts-
Asked when he thought the US military would 'send an air mail message to Tehran,' Sen. John McCain decided to answer in song. "McCain began his answer by changing the words to a popular Beach Boys song," the Georgetown Times reports.

"'Bomb bomb bomb, bomb bomb Iran,' he sang to the tune of Barbara Ann," the paper notes. Raw Story has the video, if you want to check it out. I thought I'd spare you. (Raw Story)

-Bush's most embarrassing photos-
When you're a total screw up and cameras follow you everywhere, hilarity will ensue. The Daily Background collected what they consider the 15 most embarrassing photos and, yeah, 'mission accomplished' is in there. But this one's my fave...



Collect all 15 and impress your friends. (Daily Background (via Reddit))