To the Resistance:
I'm writing this letter from prison, where I've been since the beginning of 2010. Since Hillary was elected in '08, Christian persecution in America has gotten even worse than we predicted.
The Fairness Doctrine has shut down her radio show -- which I'd imagine has an audience of three. In fact, there is no Christian radio at all. People are charged with thought crimes, forced to hire from within the homosexual menace, and homeschooling has been illegalized. "A homeschooling mom was assigned the cell next to me," she writes. "I try to comfort her, but she cries constantly at the thought of her kids being raised in government foster care." No doubt, they'll turn out to be commie, gay, evolution-believing atheists under Hillary's secular dictatorship.
Why, oh why, oh why didn't people do the right thing when they had the chance? "There was a tier-one candidate that stood for our goals of life and marriage," she writes with the wisdom that comes only with paranoid and entirely fictional experience, "That man was Gov. Mike Huckabee. Had we nominated Huckabee to run against Hillary, the stark difference between the two would have brought voters out in droves. And we never would have seen the Supreme Court appointments of Charles Schumer and Diane Feinstein. If only there were a way to go back in time to change... I've gotta go. The guard spotted me writing again."
Clearly, we must elect former Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee or the nation -- nay, western civilization itself! -- is doomed...
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