Hassan Askari, Samaritan extremist
-A [war on] Christmas story-
Ten heroes -- eight men and two women -- are being held by New York City police for the crime of defending Christmas against those who would deny it. Here are two of the heroes, with an unnamed third:
Someone out there tell me that the guys remind you of Ed Wuncler III and Gin Rummy from The Boondocks, so I know I'm not the only one. Left is Joseph Jirovec and center is Kimberly Babajko. Right is just some dumbass. It's probably safe to assume these are representative of the entire group of ten Xmas defenders.
Apparently, the ten Righteous had called out "Merry Christmas!" on a subway train, when another group of four people wished them "Happy Chanukah." This heresy enraged the Christians. According to the report, one of them "rolled up his sleeve to display a tattoo of Jesus Christ."
"Happy Chanukah. That's when the Jews killed Jesus," he said.
There's just so much wrong with that statement that you really don't know where to begin. It's a big long story about Romans and stuff. I'll just stick to two words -- "Good Friday."
Anyway, it was at this point that the Righteous began to smite the unbelievers. The Christians were putting the beatdown on the Jews when Hassan Askari -- a Muslim -- joined in. According to the report, "The 20-year-old Askari, who suffered two black eyes, said he tried to fight off the 10 attackers, giving [assault victim Walter] Adler a chance to summon police by pulling an emergency brake."
And that's how the Righteous wound up behind bars -- the Jews and a Muslim teamed up against them. The whole thing reminds me of Jesus's parable of the Good Samaritan. In this case, the Jews were the guy in the road and the Muslim was the Samaritan.
Who represents the Christians in my comparison? I'll bet you're guessing the thieves.
But I'm saying they aren't in the parable. The thieves never got busted. Besides, the phrase "fucking morons" appears nowhere in the Bible and it's the only description that does them justice.
Bill O'Reilly could not be reached for comment. (CBS)
-Headline of the day-
"0." Representing the "number of times President Bush was referenced in yesterday's Republican presidential debate."
The phrase "crazy aunt no one talks about" comes to mind. (Think Progress)
-More war on Xmas news-
Things are getting out of hand. There was a stabbing in the War on Xmas in Near South, Nebraska. The victim -- an inflatable SpongeBob SquarePants.
According to the report, "Police say a kid walked up with a utility knife and stabbed the victim, in red Santa pants and hat." The lawn ornament has since been repaired with tape.
It's not clear whether this was meant as a blow for or against Christmas. Really, you could interpret it either way. (Lincoln Journal Star)
