Stories to Watch: 1/9/14

While it's pretty much indisputable that the Christie administration deliberately caused traffic nightmares on the George Washington Bridge, it's no longer clear who those problems were meant to punish. The first working theory was that it was meant as payback to the mayor of Fort Lee for not endorsing Christie for reelection. But another possibility arises that a state senator was the target -- for not backing Christie on what looks like a court-packing scheme. That's just how petty and pointless this whole thing is; it's hard to tell who exactly it was meant to hurt. If you're going to send a message of retribution, maybe make sure it's not confusing gibberish.


Noticed a bunch of new followers, so a quick explainer on how these headlines posts work: hover your cursor of the links to preview the headlines as a tooltip.


The problem Republicans face going into 2014: everyone's pretty thoroughly convinced that they're all heartless dicks -- and rightly so.


Just a reminder about how books by conservative talk radio hacks become bestsellers -- rightwing groups by their books by the truckload and give them away for donations the way PBS hands out tote bags. No one actually goes out of their way to buy this crap. In fact, you've got to wonder how many people who get these premiums actually read them at all.


Speaking of rightwing crackpots who are "bestselling authors," Glenn Beck's in trouble with the 'baggers, because he doesn't want gays burned alive in ovens.The GOP Civil War pits ugly against ugly.


Gallup finds a record number of voters identifying as Independents. But does that actually mean anything? Just because you don't identify with a party doesn't mean you aren't left or right. A huge chunk of these "independents" are actually consistently partisan voters.


This is why we have environmental regulations. It's not because lefties hate corporations; just like traffic laws don't owe their existence to people who don't like cars. It's because a functional society needs laws.


Is anyone going to believe the GOP's expressions of newfound love for the poor?


Finally, a memorial to the LGBT victims of the Holocaust is unveiled in Israel.


[cartoon via Truthdig]

News Roundup for 7/18/12

Rep. Marsha Blackburn thinks you're really nosey

-Headline of the Day-
"RNC Finds One Republican Who Doesn’t Believe Romney Should Release Tax Returns."

Mitt Romney's released about five minutes worth of tax records and that's enough! My God, what does it take to sate your blood lust? Ten minutes? Fifteen? Can't you see the poor man's done enough? For the love of God, all he wants to do is run your entire country! How much do you really have to know about him?

That's the way the Republican National Committee wishes people would talk about Romney's tax returns. The problem is, that's the way no one's talking about Romney's tax returns. Even Republicans are going on the teevee and wondering aloud what the heck the deal is. They have to get everyone off this tax return kick and back to hating President Obama -- so they got Rep. Marsha Blackburn to talk about Romney's taxes. Because they're smart like that.

"[W]hen it comes to tax returns, it’s my understanding that the governor has released the same amount of tax returns as Sen. McCain had released," Marsha said on a conference call with reporters. "And quite frankly, what the American people are talking about is not tax returns, what they’re talking about is jobs and the economy"

A couple of problems here. One, the American people most definitely are talking about Romney's tax returns -- if they weren't, you wouldn't be talking on this here conference call -- and two, McCain kind of didn't really so much win. Using McCain as your yardstick for what people expect from their candidates isn't really all that wise. The report points out that "John Kerry, Al Gore, George W. Bush, Bob Dole, Bill Clinton, and Michael Dukakis all released many years of tax returns" and some of those guys won. There is no list of winners as chintzy with their returns as McCain and Romney.

Sorry. (Talking Points Memo)


-Who is Willard Mitt Romney?-



Wouldn't you like to know? (Truthdig)


-Bonus HotD-
"Report: Voter ID Laws Put Undue Burden On 10 Million Voters."

Let me translate that for you conservatives out there -- "Voter ID laws work exactly as intended." (Talking Points Memo)

News Roundup for 7/16/12

The truth is, Mitt's just forgotten where he put his tax returns

-Headline of the Day-
"Romney comes up with a tax-return spin."

Mittens is really having an awful time right now. He's being forced to distance himself from Bain Capital -- which is pretty much his only case for being elected president -- and then there's this whole thing with his tax returns. He's keeping like 90% of them secret, which even conservatives say is dumb. And when asked why his finances are such a big freakin' secret, the best answer Romney can come up with is "because."

Or, that used to be his answer. But he went to Fox News to test pilot his new answer. "The Obama people keep on wanting more and more and more," he told the nitwits at Fox & Friends. "More things to pick through, more things for their opposition research to try make a mountain out of and to distort and to be dishonest about."

"I'm delighted Romney is now saying something in response to the question, but I'm having a tough time wrapping my head around this one," writes Steve Benen. "He's going to keep his tax returns secret and hidden from public view because... Obama might find stuff?"

So basically, Mitt's argument is that he can't release all his tax returns because there's bad stuff in there. Which -- not coincidentally -- is Team Obama's argument for why he should.

Maybe he'd be better off going back to "because." (Maddow Blog, with video)


-Wait, who's the 'freeloader' again?-



If 'baggers understood their own arguments, they wouldn't make them. (McClatchy)


-Bonus HotD-
"TSA frisks man with 'world's largest penis.'"

What, you want a punchline too? (Raw Story, with video)

News Roundup for 7/13/12

Mitt Romney, managing to avoid burning down an Olympic stadium

-Headline of the Day-
"Let’s Have A Country As Good As the Olympics!"

Mittens Romney buttkisser Bob McDonnell hoped to get on the shortlist for running mate (no, it's not going to be Condi in a bazillion years) but using his Constitutional powers as Governor of Virginia to declare Romney's time at Bain Capital off limits. You may no longer think about Bain when considering your presidential options -- so sayeth Gov. Bob.

Buzzfeed reports, "Asked during a press conference here whether he thought Romney’s experience at Bain should be part of his 'record,' McDonnell shook his head and said 'No. No.'"

Which is weird, because Bain used to be the whole reason we were supposed to vote for Romney. "He hardly ever mentions his tenure as governor of Massachusetts," writes Ed Kilgore, "since some evil genie stole into the State Capital and signed health care legislation while Romney was presumably off creating a job or stopping an abortion or something. So if we’re not looking at Bain, what are we supposed to look at?"

The Olympics, Gov. Bob answers. Only the Olympics -- as if Mitt's the only person every to run one of those before.

"I gotta ask, has any candidate for president ever had a resume that shrinks during the campaign instead of expanding?" asks Kilgore. "If so, I can’t much remember it."

Romney better hope nothing comes out about his brief Olympic career. It's really the only thing he's got left. (Political Animal)


-Cartoon time with Mark Fiore-
Hey kids, you've heard about the "God particle," but what about the "Godawful particle?"


Click for animation

I don't know... Seems to me we've known that money is the root of all evil for a while now. (MarkFiore.com)


-Bonus HotD-
"Son of liberal financier George Soros launches anti-super PAC super PAC."

At which point the universe collapses in on itself. (Washington Post)

News Roundup for 7/10/12

For some reason, nobody trusts these guys

-Headline of the Day-
"Americans' Confidence in Television News Drops to New Low."

Best news I've heard all day.

According to the report, "Americans' confidence in television news is at a new low by one percentage point, with 21% of adults expressing a great deal or quite a lot of confidence in it. This marks a decline from 27% last year and from 46% when Gallup started tracking confidence in television news in 1993." And, in case you're wondering, the results preceded the erroneous initial reports by cable-news networks CNN and Fox News regarding the U.S. Supreme Court's June 28 decision about the constitutionality of the U.S. healthcare law," so our opinions of TV news are probably even worse.

But good news for the teevee talking heads; their habit of false equivalency and a phony "balance" are finally paying off -- now everyone hates TV media equally. "Liberals and moderates lost so much confidence in television news this year -- 11 and 10 points, respectively -- that their views are now more akin to conservatives' views," the report tells us. In fact, liberals now hate TV news more than anyone. And the better educated you are, the more likely you are to recognize TV news as horseshit.

Here's a crazy idea -- fewer pundits arguing about bullshit, spin, and opinions and MORE VERIFIABLE FACTS.

Just a suggestion. (Gallup)


-Facts and evidence are biased-




It's probably not even a real sign. (Truthdig)


-Bonus HotD-
"Romney town hall crowd applauds death penalty."

Example number 4,563,271 of how you have to be a real jerk to be a Republican. (Raw Story)

News Roundup for 7/9/12

Squirrel Hat Lady PAC advocates repeal of the estate tax

-Headline of the Day-
"Why Super PAC Names Make No Sense."

It's a pretty simple explanation -- there are like a billion of them. Most you'll never hear of, but several can't have the same name. So if it's cool -- or even remotely sensible -- it's taken. So, if you want to get into the Super PAC game, you're probably going to have to settle for something along the lines of "Pancake Sombrero PAC."

Take, for example, a certain latecomer named Mittens Romney. "We gave our lawyer 10 more names. Then like 50. We're literally trying every combination of whatever," says former Obama aide Bill Burton, explaining how Team Obama got stuck with the boring Priorities USA Action. "You can't come up with a name that has the word 'future' in it that the Republicans don't control. Romney's Restore Our Future -- that doesn't even make sense, and that's probably why they were able to get it."

Of course, you wonder if anyone on Team Romney knows it doesn't make any sense. After all, his economic policy is gibberish too, but none of them seems to have realized it. (Political Wire)


-Cartoon time with Mark Fiore-
Hey kids, you feeling a little freaked out over the Supreme Court's healthcare reform decision? Then you need...


Click for animation

Because, for Republicans, ignorance really is bliss. (MarkFiore.com)


-Bonus HotD-
"Romney Campaign’s Favored News Source Pushes Conspiracy That President Obama Was Secret CIA Agent In Pakistan."

Shorter headline, "Matt Drudge continues to be a ridiculous boob." (ThinkProgress)

News Roundup for 6/19/12

Romney's conception of the post office

-Headline of the Day-
"That's not 'how government works.'"

Yesterday, MSNBC aired a some footage of Mitt Romney praising the WaWa chain. "I was at WaWas, I went in to order a sandwich. You press a little touchtone keypad -- you touch this, touch this, go pay the cashier -- there’s your sandwich," Mitt said. "It’s amazing. People in the private sector have learned how to compete. It's time to bring some competition to the federal government." Unfortunately, the clip was a tad bit out of context, but not much. Yes, Mittens was praising a system that replaced a worker with a machine (because we all know how much he enjoys firing people), but there was more to it than that. And that's why the right thinks this is the worst thing ever.

Except there's a problem with the outrage. It seems that MSNBC was actually doing Mitt a favor. See, he was using Wawas to illustrate the problem with government. At the chain, you go and tell the robot what you want and you're done. At the post office, things are a living hell.

"I met an optometrist this morning and ... this optometrist wanted to change his billing address," Mitt said. "He moved his office from one side of town to the other, same Zip code, same post office. But he wanted to change his address. He got a form from the federal government. This is so he could get reimbursement from the federal government for the services he provides for the poor and seniors.

"The form he gets to change address is 33 pages long -- 33 pages long. He calls someone to ask how to fill it out. He calls someone in government. They tell him what to do. He sends it in. They sent it back. It wasn't done right, got to do it again, another 33 pages. He calls another person. They tell him what to do. Doesn't get it right the second time. The third time's the charm, though. This takes several months during which time he's not getting the checks for the work he's doing for people who need his care. That's how government works."

You've filled out a change of address form before. Mitt's slinging 100% pure horseshit. None of this is true -- and that's the context the right DEMANDS MSNBC provide. They DEMAND that everyone in America see the true context of Mittens' fascination with a sandwich shop with a stupid name -- a BS story involving a whopper of such extreme proportions that only the most stupid, gullible, or ideologically blinded could possibly believe it.

Asks Steve Benen, "If government is so awful, and the public bureaucracy is such a Brazil-like nightmare, why can't Romney point to real examples instead of passing along nonsense?" The question answers itself, doesn't it?

There's only one thing MSNBC can do to make up for this terrible misrepresentation of Mitt's story -- play it non-stop for 24 hours on all of MSNBC's channels, so everyone gets a real good dose of how stupid Mitt Romney thinks you really are. I'm sure the wingnuts would DEMAND no less. (Maddow Blog)


-No more pencils, no more books-



No more voters' dirty looks... (Truthdig)


-Bonus HotD-
"Millionaire Ann Romney thinks the Obamas are too much the jet-setters."

Ann will be swimming to the London to watch her horse compete in Olympic Horse Ballet, thank you very much. (AMERICAblog)

News Roundup for 6/18/12

When this guy say you're being too much of a wingnut, you really ought to listen-

-Headline of the Day-
"GOP strategist: Republicans were `caught with their pants down’ on immigration."

Fox talking head and longtime GOP strategist Ed Rollins says the Republican Party is sinking fast and they need to get their act together. After Obama's immigration bombshell, the party's in deep trouble with a large and growing segment of the population. You're probably thinking Ed's one of the fake Republicans liberals run to when they want someone to say things they want to hear, but no. Rollins is a 100%, dyed-in-the-wool, rightwing lunatic. How do I know? Well, he was Shelly Bachmann's campaign manager -- and Huckabee's and Reagan's -- so there's your conservative nutjob bona fides right there. You just don't get any wingnuttier than that.

Anyway, Greg Sargent reports Ed told him, "Republicans need to be very careful about how they respond to Obama’s new immigration announcement, because Americans view the issue as one about fundamental fairness. If the GOP loses the Latino vote in the same way it has lost blacks, it won’t be able to win future presidential elections."

And by losing the Latino vote the way they've lost black voters, he means approximately all of them -- give or take the occasional Herman Cain. If that happens, it's game over for GOP presidents.

Meanwhile, George Will argued that if Mittens gets below 31% of the Latino vote come November, "he’s going to lose."

Couldn't happen to a nicer anti-immigration extremist. (Plum Line)


-Let's play a game-



Answer here. (Cagle Post)


-Bonus HotD-
"Russell Pearce, Ousted Arizona Immigration Law Architect, Denied Fundraiser At Mexican Restaurants."

Wait, you come as close as anyone in American history has to making it illegal to be Latino -- and now you want some burritos?

This hombre's got some huevos, amigos. (Huffington Post)

News Roundup for 6/14/12

Not conseritave enough for Utah

-Headline of the Day-
"Gay Republican presidential candidate Fred Karger gets a rough welcome in southern Utah."

Did you know there's still a not-Romney out there running? There is! His name is Fred Karger and he doesn't have a prayer because he's so gay. According to the report, Karger's "running an issues-based campaign to change attitudes within the GOP about same-sex marriage." So far, so bad.

See he went to Utah to see about getting on the ballot. The guy he met, Washington County Republican Party Chairman Willie Billings, was OK and all, but hooboy his wife...

Karger sent Willie home with some campaign gear -- a t-shirt and frisbee -- and got an email from Willie's wife Nanette that was as illiterate as it was nasty.

"you are an idiot," she wrote. "You met with my husband Willie Billings today about you being on the Utah ballot. He brought your tshirt, and frisby home and it is now out in the trash. I never want to hear from such a radical idiot again. You think you are conseritave? conseritave means you beleive in the values of founding fathers and God. Do you know you cant procreate right? Well thank goodness for that. Nanette Billings."

I'm glad she bothered to explain what "conseritave" means, because otherwise I'd have no idea.

So Fred Karger's campaign to "change attitudes within the GOP about same-sex marriage?" Yeah, not going real well. (The Ticket)


-Cartoon time with Mark Fiore-
Hey kids, you know that austerity stuff you keep hearing about? We're going to find out how it works!


Click for animation

It doesn't work very well. (MarkFiore.com)


-Bonus HotD-
"Romney Campaign Bus Circling, Honking At Obama Speech Site."

It's becoming clearer all the time; Mitt Romney's a real dick. (Talking Points Memo)

News Roundup for 6/12/12

Commie death from above

-Headline of the Day-
"Koch-Fueled Americans For Prosperity Plans Protest Against ‘Extremist’ Kids Flying Kites In Support Of Wind."

Commies will be flying kites and the Koch brother's front group Americans for Prosperity will be there! Because liberty.

See, the pinkos will be gathering at Asbury Park and Ocean City, New Jersey this Friday to use kites to prove that this so-called "wind" actually exists. According to AFP, "You heard that right! Friday is “Global Wind Day” and environmental extremists throughout New Jersey will be celebrating by flying kites at beaches along the Jersey Shore and calling for more and more of our tax dollars to be used to subsidize their crazy offshore wind pipe dreams!

"AFP will be going toe to toe with the environmental extremists to combat their radical agenda and tell the truth about the costs of offshore wind."

Utilizing free energy that's flying around us all the time? EXTREMISM!! If it doesn't belch smoke, the Founding Fathers would've hated it. Everyone knows that.

The hippies are spinning this another way, of course. "We’ll be gathering at a beach near you for a kite-flying rally and celebration of NJ’s offshore wind potential. Bring your family, friends and kites," says the Sierra Club. It's a good thing that this is just spin or "going toe-to-toe" with kids flying kites would seem a tad bit dickish and bullying.

But someone needs to stand up to these nuts who insist that wind exists. After all, everyone knows that only communists love kites. (ThinkProgress)


-OK, I think I see the Koch bros' problem here-




Not really the fault of kids with kites, though guys... (McClatchy)


-Bonus HotD-
"Burger King to introduce 'bacon sundae.'"

See, they were going to shoot customers through the heart from the drive-through window, but studies showed this was a healthier alternative. (The Sideshow)

News Roundup for 5/11/12

Differently hydrated landscape

-Headline of the Day-
"Lawmakers avoid buzzwords on climate change bills."

Remember when being "politically correct" was all the rage? People weren't "handicapped," they were "physically challenged" or "differently abled" -- you know, crazy stuff like that. For everyone else it was just being polite, but to the right it was the worst thing ever!

That's all changed now and Republicans have their own version of being politically correct. Usually, it involves believing a whole passel of bullshit, but sometimes it just means avoiding certain words that suggest certain things that are happening are happening. Things like global warming.

Take the Virginia legislature, for example. According to the report, "State lawmakers ran into a problem this year when recommending a study on rising sea levels and their potential impacts on coastal Virginia.... It was not a scientific problem or a financial one. It was linguistic."

See, it turns out that if you describe rising sea levels as something obvious like "sea level rise," that's communism. So say the local Tea Party nutjobs. You can measure sea level rise, it's actually happening, and it's like super-important to a coastal state like Virginia, but admitting reality is politically inconvenient. So "sea level rise" becomes "recurrent flooding." See, that's so much better because it doesn't suggest a cause -- it's just this crazy thing that keeps happening and no one knows why. Other terms being thrown around by 'baggers are "increased flooding risk" and "coastal resiliency."

"Sea level challenged" apparently hasn't occurred to anyone. (Virginian-Pilot)


-Cartoon time with Mark Fiore-
Hey kids, Dogboy and Mr. Dan are back and they're going to explain why we keep taking out al Qaeda's number two. Yay!


Click for animation

OK, when Obama and Mr. Dan are on the same page, we've got real trouble. (MarkFiore.com)


-Bonus HotD-
"Rove group jokes Obama official who had seizure was drunk."

Because Karl's classy like that. (Raw Story)

News Roundup for 5/24/12

From a world all its own

-Headline of the Day-
"Poll: Elizabeth Warren unscathed by Cherokee flap."

One thing that's fun to watch in the wingnut blogosphere is the sight of bloggers buying into their own spin. It's kind of easy for them to do, since they only seem to read each other and stuff they find on Fox News, so they really have no idea what the hell's going on outside their little echo chamber.

And so it was with a trumped up "scandal" about Elizabeth Warren claiming Cherokee ancestry. Seems that the wingnut blogosphere measures ethnicity differently than the Cherokees do (Liz is as Cherokee as the leader of the nation) and they'd worked themselves up into a tizzy over it. Warren was doomed, they said, DOOMED!

Turns out that, as earth-shattering a revelation as the nutjobs thought this was, no one else cares. A new Suffolk University poll finds that 69% don't think the half-baked "scandal's" even a story and only 28% believe Warren lied about being a native American.

Meanwhile, Warren's surging ahead in the poll, closing a nine-point gap in February to a statistical tie today.

Yeah, wingnut blogosphere, that sure was a damaging little scandal you cooked up. Maybe -- if you try real hard -- you can convince yourself it's working. (Politico)


-Cartoon time with Mark Fiore-
Hey kids, did you know that war is (kinda-sorta-not-really) a thing of the past? It's true, thanks to...


Click for animation

You know, maybe making war easier wasn't the best idea... (MarkFiore.com)


-Bonus HotD-
"New U.S. unemployment claims down this week."

As always, good news for America is bad news for the GOP. (Raw Story)

News Roundup for 5/22/12

Prospective buyer

-Headline of the Day-
"Presidential foundation threatens legal action over Reagan blood vial auction."

When you raise someone to sainthood, people are going to want relics. That's what conservatives are learning today as a go-getter capitalist says he'll sell a vial of Ronald Reagan's blood online.

Apparently, the blood was drawn after the attempted assassination of Reagan and somehow wound up in the hands of a private collector. Is it really Ron's? Who knows? That's the beauty of unregulated capitalism -- you never know when you're getting screwed.

"If indeed this story is true, it’s a craven act and we will use every legal means to stop its sale or purchase," said Ronald Reagan Presidential Foundation executive director John Heubusch, who's clearly a commie who hates the free market.

"Any individual, including a president of the United States, should feel confident that once they enter into the care of a medical system their privacy and rights are held inviolable," he added -- assuming, of course, they don't enter that system as a lady looking for an abortion.

So far, the sale -- which is being held by an "auction house based on Guernsey, in the British Channel Islands" -- is going ahead as planned and things are looking bright for our entrepreneurial hero. According to the report, "As of late Tuesday, the highest bid for the vial was 7,587 pounds."

Seems cheap to me. With the right technology, you could clone the guy. Imagine what that would go for. (Agence France-Presse)


-Selective GOP outrage-



For the record, we're currently in "so what?" mode. (Political Cartoons)


-Bonus HotD-
"Bill O'Reilly Unsure Why People With Less Money Don't Give As Much to Charity."

This has been the latest episode of "conservatives sucking at math." (Weigel)

News Roundup for 5/21/12

How Mitt Romney sees America

-Headline of the Day-
"GOP Governors Contradict Romney, Tout Job Growth And Improving Economy."

To hear Mitt Romney tell it, the United States is in a deep, deep crisis. Packs of wild dogs roam the streets, chasing down old ladies, while packs of starving immigrant anchor babies hunt down the packs of wild dogs. Society and civilization are crumbling, poverty spreads out across the land, and two of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse -- Famine and Pestilence -- ride scout for the others to follow. It's freakin' Road Warrior out there -- and only a hero named Mittens can save us.

The problems with Romney's message is that a) it's not even remotely true and b) it really screws over Republican governors.

See the fortunes of govs are like the fortunes of presidents; the economy is a big chunk of what they're judged on. So, while local governors are trying to tell everyone that everything's coming along nicely, Mitt's out there running around telling those same voters, "WE'RE ALL GOING TO FREAKIN' DIE!" In fact, at least one governor who isn't doing so awfully well is busy trying to lie about how well his state's economy is doing. So Mitt's not really helping here.

According to the report, "Across the country, in fact, unemployment rates are falling and jobs are returning to state economies, as the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics’ latest jobs report detailed last week. As Romney continues to ignore the fact that the economy is recovering, facts -- and the Republican governors who have endorsed him -- are telling a different story."

Well see, right there's your problem: facts. Every good conservative knows that facts hate America. Now if we could just figure out why Republican governors do as well... (ThinkProgress)


-Wall Street zoo-



That seems a little unfair to hyenas. (McClatchy)


-Bonus HotD-
"Grover Norquist: Trying To Stop Billionaires From Dodging Taxes Makes You A Nazi."

And being Grover Norquist makes you a fucking idiot. (ThinkProgress)

News Roundup for 5/17/12

Claims not to mean the stupid things he says

-Headline of the Day-
"Mike Coffman didn't 'misspeak.'"

Colorado Republican Rep. Mike Coffman made some waves when he got a little fumbletongued and said something he totally didn't mean to say. At a GOP fundraiser, Mike tried to ask someone what time it was, but it came out all wrong. "I don't know whether Barack Obama was born in the United States of America," he said. "I don't know that. But I do know this, that in his heart, he's not an American. He's just not an American."

I know how he feels. Last Christmas, I asked my aunt to pass the butter and it came out, "9/11 was an inside job and Dick Cheney is a cyborg!" Boy, was I embarrassed.

Anyway, Mike cleared everything all up by releasing a statement. "I misspoke and I apologize," he said. What a wonderful man.

"I don't believe the president shares my belief in American Exceptionalism," he went on. "His policies reflect a philosophy that America is but one nation among many equals."

That's not really clearing things up, Mike. You say he doesn't believe in your idea of Manifest Destiny American Exceptionalism, but -- while I find his embrace of this empty rightwing buzzphrase an annoying flaw -- he says he does believe in it. Emphatically.

But I'm sure that was just another slip. What you really meant to say was, "I'm a freakin' idiot. Sorry." (Maddow Blog)


-Cartoon time with Mark Fiore-
Hey kids, Dogboy and Mr. Dan are back and they're going to teach us all about the Bible and marriage equality! Yay!


Click for animation

Sometime it seems like the people who talk about the Bible most are the people who know it the least. (MarkFiore.com)


-Quote of the Day-
"I'm not familiar precisely with exactly what I said, but I stand by what I said, whatever it was." -Willard "Mittens" T.G.I.Fridays Romney, esq. (Political Wire)

News Roundup for 5/16/12

Potentially the world's worst lifeguard

-Headline of the Day-
"Poll: Walker Leads Barrett By 6 Points In Wisconsin Recall."

The Wisconsin recall election is just around he corner and Gov. Scott Walker has the lead -- 50%-44%. It's a Marquette University poll, which is pretty solid. "Three polls out in the last few days show a very consistent picture," writes Josh Marshall. "Gov. Scott Walker has a small but solid lead over Democrat Tom Barrett in the Wisconsin recall election. The TPM Poll Average has it at Walker 50.5% to Barrett 44.2%."

But don't worry, the Democratic National Committee is going to help -- yay! According to Buzzfeed, "DNC chairwoman Debbie Wasserman Schultz will visit Wisconsin this month to campaign with Walker's challenger — but there's still no indication that the Wisconsinites can expect more help than that."

Basically, Debbie's going to come to Wisconsin to hold a fundraiser for Democratic challenger Tom Barrett. Which is just real sharp thinking. We've been at this for months -- we're tapped out. We're kind of the ones who need the help here. This is like Sarah McLachlan asking the sad dogs in her sad dogs ad to please help the sad dogs in her sad dogs ad. A little out of state money wouldn't be out of order here. I'm not sure Schultz understands what "help" actually means.

It's a good thing Debbie's not a lifeguard. If she saw someone drowning, she'd just holler, "Swim!" (Talking Points Memo)


-The logic behind licensing-



Don't worry, if that were really true, North Korea would have a rogue gay marriage program. (Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal)


-Bonus HotD-
"The Joke Jimmy Kimmel Didn't Tell."

Kimmel to Howard Stern: "I had some jokes about -- like Rick Santorum. I said something like -- well, I didn't say it, but: Newt Gingrich's campaign is so dead Mitt Romney wants to baptize it and Rick Santorum wants to put it in a jar and show it to his kids." (Political Wire)

News Roundup for 5/15/12

Damned for sure

-Headline of the Day-
"Playing with Satan proves not to be funny."

Tim Burton's Dark Shadows is getting some bad reviews. And it should be no surprise; a lazy comedic take on a nearly forgotten TV soap opera and a transparent attempt to replicate the box office success of The Addams Family franchise -- what is there to love? The thing has suck written all over it; pun not intended.

But over at WingNutDaily, reviewer Drew Zahn hates it for entirely different reasons. Namely, it glorifies Satan -- or some such horseshit. I swear, when I read this stuff, I can barely make heads or tails of it. See, the logic works this way: if you make a joke out of Satan, then no one takes him seriously. Once you let your guard down like that, you are screwed.

"If you believe, as the Bible clearly teaches, there really is a prince of darkness who works in the shadows 'looking for someone to devour' (1 Peter 5:8) – a master deceiver who would tempt all people toward their own decay and destruction without ever tipping his hand to reveal his face – then reducing his presence to a mere joke would seem to play right into his plan, would it not?" he asks.

But, as always, the right doesn't seem to understand a basic fact about film making. See, movies aren't real! And that fact seems a little beyond Zahn. He notes, "Depp’s character... studies black magic, invokes 'Satan’s true name” (according to the film) Mephistopheles, calls the witch 'a whore of Beelzebub… succubus of Satan… harlot of the devil' and most significantly, shouts the lines, 'Show yourself to me, Satan!' and, 'Have at me Lucifer; my soul is prepared!'"

"Acting or not, I sincerely hope for Depp’s sake Lucifer doesn’t take him up on the invitation," Zahn writes.

Yeah, because no one's ever called on Satan in a dramatic work before. Satan is surely coming to drag Johnny Depp down to hell. (WorldNetDaily)


-Republican version of 'traditional family'-



And a mistress or two on the side. (McClatchy)


-Bonus HotD-
"Colorado women accused of spraying Lysol on dirty dancing ‘sluts and whores.’"

Worth a read just for the phrase "advertising butt sex." (Raw Story)

News Roundup for 5/11/12

Good news: these bozos aren't the majority

-Headline of the Day-
"Poll: 51% agree with Obama's endorsement of gay marriage."

American teeters on the verge of falling to the Homosexual Menace, after Pres. Barack HUSSEIN Obama expressed his respect for the rights of gays and lesbians -- just what you'd expect a secret radical Muslim to do!

A new USA Today/Gallup poll finds that support of Obama's position is just at the majority mark -- 51%. But there's good news for the Forces of Godliness. According to the report, "60% say that his shift in position will have no bearing on how they vote in the November election." Of course, that's also bad news for the Forces of Godliness.

So what are the demographics of those who oppose Obama's stand on marriage equality? "Younger respondents and respondents with a higher level of education are more likely to approve of Obama's position on the issue."

So clearly we must fight the scourge of education. (USA Today)


-Did someone say 'evolved?'-



This is just another assault by so-called 'science' on Jeebus. (GoComics)


-Bonus HotD-
"Catholic Church Investigating New Threat To Humanity: The Girl Scouts."

Galileo got off easy. (Wonkette)

News Roundup for 5/10/12

Rep. Michele Bachmann

-Headline of the Day-
"Bachmann Withdraws Dual Swiss Citizenship."

After news that Rep. Bachmann had switched sides in the war between 'Murka and Yurp, Shelly beat a hasty retreat from her allegiance with the Schweizer Menace.

"I took this action because I want to make it perfectly clear," she said, "I was born in America and I am a proud American citizen." And it had nothing to do with the fact that her family would've been covered by that commie Swiss healthcare and the freedom-hating social safety net.

How do we know that? Well, because if Shelly's the only one pulling out, her family will still be covered by that commie Swiss healthcare and the freedom-hating social safety net, since they decided to go get their official Swiss Army knives "as a family."

So nice try, Comrade Bachmann. But no one's buying it. Your story has more holes in it than a certain type of cheese. (Talking Points Memo)


-Cartoon time with Mark Fiore-
Hey kids, have you heard about all this austerity stuff in Europe? Yeah, that didn't work out so well. Here's Uncle Mark to explain everything.


Click for animation

I guess it's true all over the world. When something's not working, a conservative thinks that just means you need to do more of it. (MarkFiore.com)


-Bonus HotD-
"Bristol Palin Slams Obama For Listening To His Daughters On Gay Marriage."

Because no one brings the sanctity of marriage to mind like Bristol Freakin' Palin. (Business Insider)