News Roundup for 7/16/12

The truth is, Mitt's just forgotten where he put his tax returns

-Headline of the Day-
"Romney comes up with a tax-return spin."

Mittens is really having an awful time right now. He's being forced to distance himself from Bain Capital -- which is pretty much his only case for being elected president -- and then there's this whole thing with his tax returns. He's keeping like 90% of them secret, which even conservatives say is dumb. And when asked why his finances are such a big freakin' secret, the best answer Romney can come up with is "because."

Or, that used to be his answer. But he went to Fox News to test pilot his new answer. "The Obama people keep on wanting more and more and more," he told the nitwits at Fox & Friends. "More things to pick through, more things for their opposition research to try make a mountain out of and to distort and to be dishonest about."

"I'm delighted Romney is now saying something in response to the question, but I'm having a tough time wrapping my head around this one," writes Steve Benen. "He's going to keep his tax returns secret and hidden from public view because... Obama might find stuff?"

So basically, Mitt's argument is that he can't release all his tax returns because there's bad stuff in there. Which -- not coincidentally -- is Team Obama's argument for why he should.

Maybe he'd be better off going back to "because." (Maddow Blog, with video)


-Wait, who's the 'freeloader' again?-



If 'baggers understood their own arguments, they wouldn't make them. (McClatchy)


-Bonus HotD-
"TSA frisks man with 'world's largest penis.'"

What, you want a punchline too? (Raw Story, with video)

News Roundup for 4/26/12

GOP's perception of young voters

-Headline of the Day-
"Crossroads ad attacks Obama's 'celebrity' presidency."

Never let it be said that Republicans are saddled with the burden of new ideas. And for anyone daring to make such a scurrilous accusation, I offer the latest from Karl Rove's PAC. In it, President Obama is attacked for being just so gosh-darned famous and "cool."

Seems familiar, somehow. Like someone had tried it before. I wonder how that turned out?

Anyway, this time it's different. There's that whole "he's cool" thing, too. The ad is aimed at young people and you know how they hate cool. As Steve M. from No More Mister Nice Blog puts it, "No! Don't listen to the part of your brain that responds to coolness! Coolness is not good! Coolness is bad! Bad! Romney is boring! Boring is good!"

Hey young people! Put down your video game controllers and your meme generators and your phone apps and join us in a nice game of whist!

I guess Republicans have to at least try to attract young voters. But you'd think that in trying, they'd actually try. (The Hill)


-Cartoon time with Mark Fiore-
Hey kids, have you heard about CISPA? Don't worry, it's just to keep you safe!


Click for animation

President Obama says he'll veto it, but you know how he hates America... (MarkFiore.com)


-Bonus HotD-
"Romney Campaign Again Warns Of ‘Soviet’ Threat."

First, Romney's foreign policy adviser complains about our policy with "Czechoslovakia," now this.

I think Mittens is trying to convince Republican voters that he literally is Reagan -- and that it's 1984. (Talking Points Memo)

Stories to Watch: 4/17/12

Burgers. Burgers. Burgers. Now here's the news...


Ted Nugent's inability to shut the hell up gets him into hot water. Romney sought out Nugent's endorsement -- full-knowing the man is a bona fide lunatic -- so Mittens might wind up in the hot bath too.


The media continues to ignore the ongoing story of Republican filibuster abuse. Hell, they're even failing to mention filibusters at all.


Religious right crazy Tony Perkins says the repeal of DADT and "open homosexuality" caused the Secret Service hooker scandal. Except the Secret Service isn't military and the scandal's not a gay hooker scandal, so whatever the fuck Perkins is trying to say makes no damned sense at all.


Obama 2012 is attacking Romney as an out-of-touch bazillionaire.


A favorite Republican argument -- that government should be run like your family's expenses -- is just as dumb as you think it is.


One very stupid Taliban officer.


One very fed-up token lefty on Fox.


The federal minimum wage is embarrassingly low.


Finally, David Brooks wrote something stupid again.

Related articles

• Ted Nugent Gets Noticed by the Secret Service (littlegreenfootballs.com)
• Family Research Council's Tony Perkins Links Secret Service Prostitution Scandal with Repeal of 'DADT' (towleroad.com)
• Threatening Obama Is Only The 10th Craziest Thing Ted Nugent Has Done (buzzfeed.com)
• Senate Republicans Filibuster Buffett Rule (thinkprogress.org)

News Roundup for 4/17/12

Not a smart man

-Headline of the Day-
"Mitthusiasm: House Conservative Edition."

One of the great pleasures of an all-but certain Republican nomination of Mitt Romney is watching all the wingnuts who'd attacked him as a RINO on the campaign trail squirm uncomfortably as they try to pretend to be happy about their nominee. The excruciatingly forced smiles, the staged excitement -- it's all really entertaining. Especially as you consider the look in their eyes; like they'd just swallowed an entire peeled lemon dipped in vinegar. The crazies are clearly not happy. And when they're unhappy, I'm overjoyed.

This unease with Romney was apparent when the rightest of the right in the House staged a press conference. No reason, just "conversations with conservatives" and an excuse for the election-minded to chase cameras around. It turns out that reporters actually show up to these things, on the off-chance that someone may say something worth repeating. The fact that you hardly ever hear about these common pressers tells you all you need to know about what they're usually worth.

According to Dave Weigel, whose unenviable task it is to sit through these timewasters, "the first question that tripped anybody up, from The Hill's Russ Berman, was whether members were 'excited' about incoming Republican nominee Mitt Romney."

Sure they were, they all said. Because Mittens is gonna beat Barack HUSSEIN Obama and that automatically makes him a freakin' hero. They all took turns agreeing on how important that was -- until it was Louie Gohmert's turn.

"If you're not sure about whether to support Mitt Romney," the dumbest member in the history of congress said, "whether you're liberal, or whether you're very conservative, you ought to be excited, because he's been on your side at one time or another."

OK, so that wasn't the message they were going for. It's probably not a good idea to bring up what a flipflopper Mitt is when you're trying to praise him. "You could tell, in the room, that Gohmert had just created a 'narrative' against Romney," Weigel reports.

Gohmert finally realized that he'd screwed everything up. But luckily he has experience in dealing with that particular problem since -- as I've mentioned -- he's the dumbest member in the history of congress.

"So I'm not completely understood," he said, "I'm not as excited as I am desparate."

Romney 2012. Feel the excitement! (Weigel)


-Desperate housewife-


Click for full comic

And that's not even counting all the doubloons she has to polish. (GoComics)


-Bonus HotD-
"The 'secrecy' card."

Team Romney's latest defense: if you criticize Mitt Romney for admitting to hiding his agenda, it means you hate Mormons. (War Room)

News Roundup for 3/12/12

Rick's plans are a wee bit wide of reality

-Headline of the Day-
"Santorum Concedes: He Can't Win The Nomination Outright."

Talk about your misleading headlines; Rick Santorum has not conceded the Republican nomination to Mitt Romney. Instead, he conceded to the argument that he'll never get the delegates he needs to win the nomination. It not really much of a fine distinction and when your headline begins "SANTORUM CONCEDES" you really ought to consider the fact that someone's bound to take that the wrong way.

How can Rick argue that he can't win the delegate math, while he can win the nomination? Simple. It just takes buttload upon buttload of wishful thinking. See, Santorum 2012 is circulating a memo arguing that Romney won't get the delegates needed to be the automatic winner. That means a contested convention. And that, by a leap of logic worthy of Evel Knievel, means we're looking at nominee Rick.

Actually, now that I think about it, "SANTORUM CONCEDES" is only a millimeter short of the truth. (Buzzfeed)


Plan B-
If the strategy in the memo doesn't pan out...


Click for full strip

...Rick has a plan to get rid of Gingrich. (GoComics.com)


-Bonus HotD-
"Fox News Commenters React to Afghan Killings: ‘A Dead Muslim Is a Good Muslim.’"

How far gone is the right these days? Well, they're cheering on serial killers, so... (Little Green Footballs)

News Roundup for 1/13/12

Sometimes pronounced "four"


-Headline of the Day-
"Rick Perry Lists 3 Departments He’d Cut, But Adds One, Misses Another."

OK, so Rick Perry wants eliminate the departments of commerce, interior, and energy... or is it commerce, education, and energy?

Something like that anyway. All you need to know is that Rick Perry wants to eliminate federal agencies. Three to be specific and which three being too specific.

Referring back to Rick Perry's "Oops" moment at a Republican debate, an interviewer asked him which agencies he'd cut. Should be easy enough. The mistake that marked the beginning of his campaign's tailspin is not likely to be one repeated.

Or so you'd believe. "Three right off the bat, you know, commerce, interior and energy are three that you think," Rick answered.

And Rick answered wrong. On the campaign trail, he's been talking about eliminating the department of education, because -- let's face -- he's living proof that being dumber than a sack of doorknobs is no impediment to fabulous wealth, fame, and success.

What he hasn't been doing is saying word one about the Department of the Interior.

The interviewer caught the slip and asked him if he'd eliminate the Department of Education as well. Darn tootin', Rick said. Then the stupid continued. "They are blackmailing states with our own money, basically saying here is the national test, and here are the national standards you’re going to put into place, "One size fits all doesn’t work. Well maybe it does in gym socks but it sure doesn’t in how we educate our children."

Maybe, maybe not. But you want to take that up with President Bush and the bipartisan group of dim bulbs who passed No Child Left Behind. The Department of Education is doing this stuff because the last Texas Governor to be president made them do this stuff. You can repeal it and they'll stop doing it. You don't have to blow up the waterworks to turn off a faucet, you know.

But whatever. What's important to remember is that the list of agencies Rick Perry would cut grows every time someone asks him; mostly because he can't keep them squared in his mind and when he screws up, his line is "Oh yeah, that one too." (ABC News)


-Cartoon time with Mark Fiore-
Hey kids, the National Defense Authorization Act means that everyone's safe from terr'ists forever. Yay!


Click for animation

Whether you're safe from your government is another question entirely. (MarkFiore.com)


-Bonus HotD-
"Romney's Rhetoric On Jobs Record At Bain Devolves."

First Mittens claimed 100,000 jobs had been created by Bain. No one bought that. Then it was "tens of thousands." No one bought that either. Now it's just "thousands."

By this time next week, it'll probably be "me and this other guy."

Don't believe it. (Talking Points Memo, with video)

News Roundup for 1/5/12

What the Romney tax plan looks like to the middle class

-Headline of the Day-
"Romney Plan Raises Taxes On Lower-Middle Class, Cuts Taxes On Wealthy."

Mittens is the 1%. If you ever doubted that, check out his new tax plan, which can best be described as a massive middle finger to anyone who isn't fabulously well-to-do. Basically, it works like this; the less you make, the larger your tax hike. Conversely, the more you make, the bigger your tax cut.

According to the report, "The Urban-Brookings Tax Policy Center crunched the numbers — part of a series of analyses the group has done of the GOP candidates’ tax proposals — and found that the plan constitutes a major tax cut for wealthy Americans. But compared to today’s rates, Romney proposes effective tax increases for people making less than $40,000."

Meanwhile, the "average millionaire would thus pay $145,568 less in taxes in 2015 than they do today." Relying on the poorest to make up for the wealthiest just plain doesn't work -- mostly because math has a liberal bias -- and this makes Romney's plan a "a budget buster, meaning greater deficits or deep cuts to federal programs."

So, if you're not a bazillionaire and you're planning to vote for Romney, you're a chump. Plain and simple. (Talking Points Memo)


-Cartoon time with Mark Fiore-
Hey kids, did you know there was this big election thing going on? Of course you do! And did you know that other things are going on too? Of course you don't, thanks to...


Click for animation

For example, did you know there was political unrest in Iraq, with explosions across Baghda... Oh wait, BREAKING NEWS: Ron Paul seen eating ribs with mustard!

Ooh... That's really going to hurt him in Missouri. (MarkFiore.com)


-Bonus HotD-
"Santorum Suggests Banishing Ninth Circuit Court Judges To Guam."

Oh Rick, you are going to be fun. (ThinkProgress)

News Roundup for 10/26/11

Mitt Romney, shown listing the many positions he's taken on the issues

-Headline of the day-
"Mitt Romney: Actually, I do support Ohio law."

Oh Mittens, you're so flippity-floppity.

Yesterday, Romney visited a GOP phonebank in Ohio, to boost the spirits of all the temps the state party had hired to pester people about the attempted repeal of a union-busting law by referendum. For the record, the Republican Party would be against the repeal, because then all the temps would probably unionize.

Anyway, while visiting this hive of feverish activity, Mittens was asked what he thought of the law. Romney instinctively sensed that someone was trying to pin him down on a position (a position, BTW, he's already been pinned down on) and pretty much refused to answer the question. Mittens wasn't at a phonebank that was doing get out the vote for the union-busting ballot measure to voice an opinion about it. He wasn't interested in "particular ballot issues," he said. And everyone wondered what the hell he was doing there then.

So this all became a big thing, with people on the right calling him a coward and people on the left calling him a scaredy-pants. Mitt was going to have to put a lid on this right pronto. While in Virginia today, he basically said, "Oh, you mean that ballot issue!"

"What I was referring to is I know there are other ballot questions there in Ohio and I wasn't taking a position on those," he said. "With regard to Question 2, which is the collective bargaining question, I am 110 percent behind Gov. Kasich in support of that."

Which, of course, brings us to this:

Columbus Dispatch:

Issue 2 is getting smashed by 25 points, 57 percent to 32 percent, in Quinnipiac’s latest poll. The survey by the Connecticut university, released two weeks before the election, is the final public poll planned on the controversial law, which is on hold until voters have their say.

Yeah, Romney just came out in favor of the least popular thing since the clap. Way to pick a winner, Mittens! (Politico)


-Competing visions-
Occupy Wall Street's counterpart isn't the Tea Party.


Click to embiggen

It's a much more dangerous bunch of crazies. (Truthdig)


-Bonus HotD-
"Washington Post Illustrates Oakland Police Brutality With Cop Petting Kitty."

No, really. (Wonkette)