Assistant Secretary of Homeland Security Robert Stephan
-Headline of the day-
"DHS official: America’s 'No. 1 killer' is bureaucrats -- not al Qaeda."
Dept. of Homeland Security Assistant Secretary Robert Stephan needs to go to metaphor school. In trying to explain how bureaucracy screws up the Global War on Terror, Stephan told the National Defense Industrial Association’s 2008 Homeland Security Symposium and Exhibition, "Most of the time, every day, I spend most of the bullets in my single 30-round magazine that I bring to work every day shooting into the backs of our own bureaucracy trying to clear a field of fire.
"So, I have one bullet left to either pump at al Qaeda or save it for me because the bureaucracy is about to overwhelm me."
So let me get this straight, every day you shoot 29 DHS bureaucrats, then have to choose between either shooting some al Qaeda guy who's somehow wandering the halls of the agency or shooting yourself in the head? Does this metaphor have any aspect that's not... ummm... disturbingly psychotic fantasizing about workplace violence? I mean, if you worked at the Post Office, this kind of talk would earn you a visit from the FBI.
"That still remains to me, in my mind, the No. 1 killer in the United States is entrenched bureaucracies that focus more on themselves than they do the collective good," Stephan said. OK. Now we've moved on to hyperbole.
Which begs the question, what is the number one killer in the United States?
That'd be heart disease, which is no fun fighting because you can't shoot cholesterol in the back. (Think Progress)
-Emotionally fragile Republicans-
Speaking to a crowd in Ohio, Barack Obama told the audience that McCain's "change" message was phony. I'd add it's also opportunistic plagiarism of Obama's message, but I don't get to make these decisions.
"You can put lipstick on a pig. It's still a pig," he said. "You can wrap an old fish in a piece of paper called change. It's still gonna stink." OMG! said Palin-McCain '08, he just called Sarah Palin a pig! Eek!
After much handwringing and crying, McCain got his "truth squad" to work on the issue, which began crying and handwringing. "[Palin] is the only one of the four presidential candidates that wears lipstick," Truth Squader Gov. Jane Smith said. Clearly, this was just one more example of that there sexism from the ee-vil, woman-hatin' Obama.
Not so fast, says Politico's Lisa Lerer, McCain's just as guilty. According to the report, "In the primary, McCain famously said of opponent Mitt Romney: 'never get in a wrestling match with a pig. You both get dirty and the pig likes it.'"
No, no, no, says Swift. It's sexism because Palin's a woman. OK, says Lerer, how about the time McCain said, "I think they put some lipstick on a pig, but it's still a pig," in regards to Hillary's health care proposal?
Crickets.
I'd give Obama's response to that, but I'll just synopsize to save space; "This is stupid. Stop wasting everyone's time." (Politico)
-Bonus HotD-
"Obama win preferred in world poll."
By a four to one margin. A worldwide poll shows that the vast majority of the world population hates America. How else do you explain why they want that secret mooslum terr'ist Barack HUSSEIN Obama to be president? Only three nations on Earth still love America and want to see a real 'Merican in the White House -- China, India, and Nigeria.
In response, Team McCain released a new ad slogan on an older theme -- "John McCain: The American president Nigerians have been waiting for." (BBC)
