News Roundup for 11/10/11

Proving Herman Cain's innocence -- through science!

-Headline of the Day-
"Great Moments In Journalism: Local News Finds Sharon Bialek To Be Lying Via Voice Analysis Software."

Herman Cain is the finest man to ever walk the earth and the lady accusing him of sexual misconduct is terrible. Everyone knows it. It's not worth discussing.

Still, some crazy drug-addled hippies out there think Herman is the terrible one, so CBS Atlanta was on the job, digging for the truth like their heroes -- Jimmy Olsen and Lois Lane. They grabbed a video of Bialek's press conference and took it to a super-science guy. Super-science guy (who's also a private detective) ran it through voice recognition software and learned that her pants were on fire. It's all "very scientific," assures cub reporter Peter Parker, AKA Mike Paluska.

There's just one little problem. According to the report, "CBS Atlanta failed to point out that there remains controversy amongst the science community in the reliability of voice stress analysis tests despite their wide use among law enforcement. 'A number of federally sponsored studies have found little or no scientific evidence to support the notion that existing voice-stress technologies are capable of consistently detecting lies and deceptions,' according to a report by Washington University in St. Louis." Of course, that's because these are all Ivory Tower Intellectuals who want all criminals to get away.

Even the pinkos at the Department of Defense think voice analysis is hooey. A 1996 report (pdf) found that the odds of getting a correct finding from a Computer Voice Stress Analyzer were "not significantly different from chance." In fact, in their study it was worse than chance, by virtue of being correct on a lying/not lying question only 48% of the time -- i.e., wrong more often than right.

So I'd say the "proof" that Herman Cain is innocent is a tad bit sketchy. In fact, if you want to play the Defense Department's odds, these results are a better indication of his guilt. (Mediaite)


-Cartoon time with Mark Fiore-
Hey kids, have you heard about this "Super Committee" thing? It's a bunch of people who are going to fix America by solving the things that aren't the big problem.


Click for animation

Maybe they should just fight crime or something... (MarkFiore.com)


-Bonus HotD-
"Perry: 'If we're electing the debater in chief, don't elect me.'"

You've got a deal. (The Hill)

News Roundup for 11/7/11

Herman Cain conducts a job interview

-Headline of the Day-
"Fourth accuser: Cain 'reached for my genitals.'"

Herman Cain's sexual harassment scandal has, in the words of ThinkProgress' Ian Millhiser, been "upgraded to criminal sexual abuse." Of course, that's assuming the obviously Occupy-Wall-Street-supporting hippie commie America-hater is telling the truth.

And that accuser is Sharon Bialek, a registered Republican and tea party supporter. So there's that. No word on whether she wants to bring down the neo-feudal corporatist structure, but I'm going to go out on a limb and guess no.

According to Bialek, she met Cain to discuss finding a job in 1997. "At that time, I had on a black pleated skirt, suit jacket and a blouse," she said. "Instead of going into the offices, he suddenly reached over and he put his hand on my leg, under my skirt and reached for my genitals. He also grabbed my head and brought it towards his crotch." I guess Herman was confused about what sort of "job" she was looking for.

"I said, 'What are you doing? You know I have a boyfriend. This isn’t what I came here for,'" she recalled. "Mr. Cain said, 'You want a job, right?'"

"She reached out to Mr. Cain for help in finding another job," Bialek's attorney Gloria Allred explained. "Mr. Cain, instead, decided to provide her with his idea of a stimulus package."

Oh for chrissake, Gloria. Don't. Just don't. (Raw Story, with video)


-It's not all bad news-
There is a big winner in all this, after all:


Click to embiggen

Look at it this way Republicans; you're not losing a frontrunner, you're gaining someone who will have to do for the time being. (McClatchy)


-Bonus HotD-
"Report: News Corp. hired investigators to spy on hacking victims’ lawyers."

Wait, Rupert hired people to spy on the lawyers of the people he was spying on?

Scandals should really have less recursion, is all I'm saying. (Raw Story)