News Roundup for 9/9/11

A gay man does his nefarious work

-Headline of the Day-
"Opponent Of California's Gay-Ed Law: Gays Are 'Kidnapping The Brains Of The Kids.'"

Randy Thomasson of Save California wants everyone to know that the state's FAIR Education Act is the worst thing ever! What's so bad about? It requires schools to include the accomplishments of people who happen to be un-straight in teaching history to kids in schools. In other words, California schools are now required to pollute innocent young minds with the filthy liberal myth that gays exist and that they did stuff throughout history. So Randy and SA are out to repeal the law and save kids from... I don't know, knowledge, I guess.

"Any day of the week starting in January, children as young as kindergarten will be told that a homosexual, a bisexual, or even a cross-dresser or someone who has had healthy body parts in a sex-change operation cut off -- that this is a positive role model," he says. "They're not going to be told that it's unhealthy; they're not going to be told, well is this natural or is this a matter of environment. They won't be told it. So, there's no critical thinking."

"This is basically the gay activists kidnapping the brains of the kids, and the parents have no say whatsoever," he went on. Yes, by teaching kids that gays exist and that they did stuff, California schools are condoning -- nay, encouraging -- gay behavior. This must not be!

Because if there's one thing that people like Randy know, it's that it doesn't take much to make a good Christian go all homo-sexy. The mere knowledge of the existence of gays may be enough. (ThinkProgress, with video)


-In similar news, man crosses street without being hit-
When is a non-news story where nothing happens a hot news story? When it's about celebrity wingnut Sarah Palin, of course!


Click for full strip

The only difference between you and Sarah Palin is that you don't want news vans parked on your lawn 24/7. (Bad Reporter)


-Bonus HotD-
"House passes resolution to 'never forget' 9/11."

If you read the text, it's actually a declaration of never-ending war against a vague enemy until terrorism is gone forever. So, yay for that. I doubt we needed a national post-it note to remind us, anyway.

And just a reminder, get ready for a weekend of wall-to-wall 9/11 porn. (Raw Story)

News Roundup for 6/17/11

Not inaccurate

-Headline of the day-
"Palin Decision Expected Next Week."

It's totally definite; Sarah Palin is going to announce whether or not she's going to run for president. Our long national nightmare of uncertainty is over!

According to "one Republican source," "Vendors of campaign services who hope to work for Team Palin have been told that Palin, the 2008 GOP vice-presidential candidate, will decide soon one way or another on mounting a 2012 campaign." Which, of course, means that someone from Team Palin called them to tell them exactly that.

But wait! Later in the day, ABC News reported that Palin, via twitter, said no way. "Really? Hmm, guess they forgot to inform me what I'm 'expected to do' next wk," she tweetlepated.

Sounds like a certain attention whore thought America was in danger of going 15 minutes without a headline about her someplace. (American Spectator)


-Cartoon time with Mark Fiore-
Hey kids, Little Suzie Newsykins is back. Yay! And she's going to tell us all about... Umm... Well...


Click for animation

Remember kids, in Washington "outrage" and "distraction" are synonymous. (MarkFiore.com)


-Bonus HotD-
"Public Focused on Economy, Media on Weiner Scandal."

We want news, we get tabloid crap. Typical.

Stay tuned for the latest from the Casey Anthony trial! (Pew Research Center)

Stories to Watch: 4/12/11

I have windows open. This is a momentous occasion marking the changing seasons. I also tried out the mower -- started right up, which is weird. Usually I have to fight with it the first time I start it in the spring. I wonder if something's wrong with it? Now here's the news...


Actual headline at Conservatives4Palin: "CNN Poll Shows that Governor Palin Probably Leads If You Take Huckabee, Trump, and Bachmann Out of the Poll." If Sarah Palin stands for one thing, it's never letting a little thing like reality stand in the way of what you want to believe. In related news: if everyone else in America dies, Sarah Palin is automatically the president. Keep your fingers crossed!


Wait until the Tea Party gets a gander at the budget compromise. Hint: once a third-grader explains math to them, they're gonna be ma-a-a-ad.


Liberals didn't get off easy either.


Unintended consequences: after the GOP's showboat attack on Planned Parenthood, the organization's online fundraising has "surged by 500 percent." Way to really hamstring PP, guys.


On the 150th anniversary of the start of the Civil War, it becomes necessary to remind everyone that it was all about slavery and the south lost. Those "some people" are almost exclusively Republican. Really makes you wonder why the party struggles to attract even a sliver of the African-American vote, doesn't it?


Finally, the conservative Independent Women's Forum discovers there "is no male-female wage gap." Huzzah! And to prove it, Independent Woman Carrie Lukas compares "single, childless urban workers between the ages of 22 and 30" with their male counterparts and finds they even make more than men! Good thing there aren't any married women, women over 30, women with kids, or women who work outside cities, huh? That'd sure screw up the argument.