Bush gave his final State of the Union Address last night -- the operative word here is "final." As in, the American people rejoice and say, "Yay!" Last night, we saw the light at the end of the tunnel. It's still nearly a year away, but it's there. We see it. We know that our long national nightmare will end. We will wake. Personally, I plan on getting massively hammered after the next president is sworn in. New Years Eve blotto. If I can talk friends into stupid paper hats, noisemakers, and champagne, then that's what we'll do. Like every New Years Eve, when the next president takes the Oath of Office, we'll have every reason to celebrate a new beginning.
And the beauty here is that it really doesn't matter much who wins. I've always argued that a cinderblock would make a better president than Bush has, since a cinderblock can't actually do anything -- which means it can't do anything wrong. If there's going to be one thing the next president has to thank Bush for -- and it'll be the only thing -- it'll be for setting the bar of a successful presidency so damned low. If you do better than Bush, you'll be a tremendous success. Pretty much the only way to do a worse job will be to try. At both the Summer and Winter Olympics of Suck, President Bush is a Gold Medalist.
I decided I'd go through the past SOTU addresses and look at one issue -- energy. See, throughout his presidency, Bush has used every SOTU as an occasion to deliver empty rhetoric, push propaganda, and to make promises soon to be forgotten and broken. Some of the promises he made were easy -- in 2006, he promised to stop mad scientists from creating "human/animal hybrids." Since there was no Dr. Moreau out there making tiger women and baboon men, that was a pretty easy promise to keep...
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