A fella can dream...
Desperate criminal on the run-
Karl Rove refused to appear before a House Committee yesterday, avoiding testimony regarding underhanded and very likely illegal campaign tactics involving the firing of federal prosecutors and the politically motivated jailing of a Governor. But Karl was shrewd, he knew that the congress has the power to send out the Sergeant at Arms to arrest and jail people, so he came up with a cunning plan to avoid this scenario.
According to the report, "When ThinkProgress contacted Rove’s lawyer, his office confirmed that Rove was out of the country 'on trip scheduled long before the subpoena was sent.' Rep. Linda Sanchez (D-CA) said Rove’s attorney 'never mentioned' this trip to the committee. Rove’s bogus claims of executive privilege were rejected by the Committee as 'not valid' by a 7-1 vote. The committee gave Rove five days to comply with the subpoena."
Instead of proudly defending his all-American super-patriotic right to make political prisoners of electoral opponents, Karl did what these guys always do -- ran like a carnival tattoo. You'd think all that flag-wavin' and Pledge-of-Allegiance posturing would give these guys just a little personal courage, but you'd be wrong. Rove's as big a coward as the rest of the chickenhawks.
They ought to announce they've issued a warrant. If you can't get Rove in prison, you can keep him in exile. Faced with even a minute behind bars, Karl Rove would never come back. (Think Progress)
-Headline of the day-
"Two wounded when woman tried to shoot mice."
A woman in Potter Valley, California used her God-given (and Supreme Court-approved) right to own a gun today to defend herself against terr'ist mice. It was a gunfight she apparently lost.
The Mendocino County Sheriff's Dept. said the woman "drew the gun from a holster under her left arm with the intent to fire it at mice she had seen on the floor of a trailer that was traveling on Highway 20." That's right, she decided that shooting mice in a moving trailer with a ,44 Magnum sounded like a good idea.
Sadly, it wasn't.
According to the report, "[T]he woman dropped the gun and it fired a round when it struck the floor, the report said. The bullet went through the woman's kneecap, glanced off keys on the belt loop of a 42-year-old man who was also inside the trailer, tore a hole through the man's pants and grazed his groin before coming to a stop in his coin pocket." Neither of the parties are identified in the report, but I'm willing to bet that the man has never been so happy to hear the word "grazed" in his life. (UPI. via reddit)
-I vote for free beer and hookers-
In what may seem to be a bad idea, the Republican Party has opened its platform building process to pretty much anyone -- Republican or not. The Republican Platform Committee has launched an online effort to find out what we -- real Americans and godless heathens alike -- want the GOP to stand for. And holy shit are they ever excited about it.
"Welcome to the most grassroots-driven platform development effort in the history of American politics! " the homepage reads. Whee!!
All you have to do is give them your email address and... Damn, I knew there'd be a catch. Maybe that explains why all the entries are from right wing nutjobs -- who wants to be on that mailing list?
Still. if daily updates on how Barack Obama's really a commie and wants the terrorists to win aren't too much of a problem, go ahead and sign up. If you can't think of any platform ideas, steal some of mine:
-Robot butlers
-National Abortion Fun Day
-Outlawing anything with the word "French" in it (e.g., French Vanilla, French Roast, French Toast, French Kissing...)
-Take Your Vodka to Work Day
-Staying in Iraq forever, renaming it East Florida, giving them an NFL franchise, a state bird, and one of those commemorative quarters
-Robot gardeners
-Rename "global warming" "world toastiness" -- cozy!
-Finally wipe out the environment for good and all
-Launch an Apollo-style project to develop Tylenol ice cream, thus ridding the world of brain freeze
-Cut taxes to zero, then figure out how to cut them more
-Faith-based math in schools (see previous suggestion)
-Robot strippers
-Develop a car that runs on unsold housing, solving two problems at once
-Faith-based bombs (smart bombs are elitist)
-National Homosexual Menace Awareness Week
-Sunday school teachers with tasers
Maybe we can make their platform so crazy that no Republican anywhere will get a vote. Have fun! (Wonkette)
