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Wednesday, November 17, 2010

News Roundup for 11/17/10

Cowan mugshot
Today's Second Amendment hero

-Headline of the Day-
"Man Shoots TV Over Bristol Palin Dancing."

Apparently, this happened right down the road from me, which is fun. I'm not sure where Vermont, Wisconsin is, but if it's in Dane County, it's in my neck of the woods. Yay for me!

This one needs a little background. Bristol Palin has been a contestant on Dancing With the Stars and, despite sucking, she keeps winning because teabaggers are starfucking losers with nothing better to do but call in and vote for their favorite quasi-celebrity. File this one under "Shit That Ain't Right, But That You Probably Shouldn't Lose Sleep Over." Because, let's face it, DWtS is blowful. When I was a kid, we knew how to deal with celebrities and reality TV. We had Circus of the Stars, where you'd stick David Hasselhoff on a motorcycle and jump him through a flaming hoop or give Loni Anderson a whip and a chair and put her in a cage full of lions. That's what you do with celebrities on reality television -- you try to kill them. Now that's entertainment. Dancing With the Stars is basically just watching people try not to knock the cameras over.

Anyway, Steven Cowan was watching this travesty of television -- while drinking, because really, how else are you going to get through it? -- when Fumblefoots Palin won yet again. According to the report, "Cowan 'jumped up and swore, saying something to the effect of, "The fucking politics." Steven was upset that a political figure's daughter was dancing on this particular show when Steven did not think that she was a good dancer,' the [police] complaint notes." It was at this point that he blew a hole in his TV -- I guess because he lost the remote or something -- "and then pointed the shotgun" at his wife. "She added that Cowan warned her that he would kill himself if she brought anyone back to their home in the town of Vermont.," the report states.

His wife called 911 anyway and he wound up in an all-night standoff with police that ended at 11 the next morning -- which is really taking your time coming to the realization that maybe this wasn't the best way to deal with this whole thing.

The moral of this story is not "don't drink" or "don't use guns." The moral of this story is, for the Love of God, don't ever watch Dancing With the Stars. (The Smoking Gun)

-You're doing it wrong-
A new CNN poll [pdf] finds that only 1 in 3 respondents believe that Bush's tax giveaway to the $250k+ club should be extended. Also, 7 in 10 believe that "don't ask, don't tell" should be thrown out. And people believe that healthcare reform should either stay as it is or be tweaked, 50%-47%.

And they all went and voted Republican, because they're the tax-raising, gay-loving, healthcare reform-embracing party. Steven Cowan, give me a hit off that bottle... (CNN)

-Bonus HotD-
"Nancy Pelosi Elected to Lead House Dems in New Congress; Boehner to Lead GOP."

Those midterms sure changed everything, didn't they? (CBS News)

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