News Roundup for 12/7/11

Rick keeps his girlish figure by pummeling poor people

-Headline of the Day-
"Santorum: We Don’t Need Food Stamps Because Obesity Rates Are So High."

Good news, everyone; Rick Santorum has noticed that the problem of hunger in America has gone away!

Where'd it go? Who knows. But he doesn't see any hunger around anywhere. See, Rick's -- oh, let's go ahead and call it "reasoning" -- works this way: we've got a lot of people on food stamps and there are overweight people. The end. So it's safe to cut funding for food stamps.

"If hunger is a problem in America, then why do we have an obesity problem among the people who we say have a hunger program?" Rick asks.

Fair question, fair question... I'm sorry, no it's not. It's a stupid question. Not everyone receiving food stamps is overweight, for one. For another, being overweight doesn't mean you're eating right. Need me to draw you picture? Here you go:



Rick probably doesn't know it, being a fabulously well-to-do former Senator, but cheap food is shitty food. And shitty food makes you gain weight. People don't have a weight problem because they're eating too healthy, you know. It's mostly because they eat junk. I always say that if all you can afford for dinner is a 99 cent mac and cheese dinner and a can of Orange Faygo, you're going to put on weight. It's almost unavoidable.

But that's what you call yer "facts and logic."

Rick Santorum doesn't do facts and logic. (ThinkProgress)


-Things ain't looking good for Mittens-


Click for full comic

They probably have Sandusky confused with Herman Cain. (GoComics)


-Bonus HotD-
"Bolling Apologizes To 'Froggy,' Challenges Him To Debate."

Remember how Fox idiot Eric Bolling accused the muppets of being commies? Now he wants to debate Kermit. Kermit is a puppet. He isn't real. Apparently, some people haven't figured that out.

And, no. He didn't really apologize.

Proof positive Fox is the channel for complete morons. (Media Matters)

News Roundup for 12/5/11

Hates America

-Headline of the Day-
"The Muppets Are Communist, Fox Business Network Says."

Muppets are commies! So says Fox Business' Eric Bolling -- who, by the way, is just awful. According to the report, "Last week, on the network's Follow the Money program, host Eric Bolling went McCarthy on the new, Disney-released film, The Muppets, insisting that its storyline featuring an evil oil baron made it the latest example of Hollywood's so-called liberal agenda."

See, the new Muppet movie has a rich and powerful villain -- a totally new thing in fiction that no one has ever done before. And, since the villain is a rich oil man, that means the muppets are commies trying to brainwash our children, not that the villain is a movie cliché.

"It's amazing how far the left will go just to manipulate your kids, to convince them, give the anti-corporate message," Dan Gainor of the conservative Media Research Center told Bolling.

"They've been doing it for decades. Hollywood, the left, the media, they hate the oil industry," Gainor continued. "They hate corporate America. And so you'll see all these movies attacking it, whether it was Cars 2, which was another kids' movie, the George Clooney movie Syriana, There Will Be Blood, all these movies attacking the oil industry, none of them reminding people what oil means for most people: fuel to light a hospital, heat your home, fuel an ambulance to get you to the hospital if you need that. And they don't want to tell that story."

I'll tell you why they don't want to tell that story -- it's crushingly dull and awful storytelling.

Look, it's a really simple and ancient literary formula; the stronger the villain, the greater the hero. That's why Sauron was a creature of almost godlike power and not just a guy with an argument for the beneficial aspects of magic rings. A rich guy is a guy with (in movie logic) unlimited resources -- who better to test the heroism of a bunch of carpet remnants?

But, as always, when the right sees an excuse to play the victim card, they play it. Proving, once again, that they don't get heroism at all. (Huffington Post)


-That's all, folks!-


Click to embiggen

(McClatchy)


-Bonus HotD-
"Kansas Is Spending $2,180 Per Day Defending Its Anti-Abortion Laws."

Republican "fiscal sanity" at work; defending clearly unconstitutional laws from their inevitable doom. (ThinkProgress)