News Roundup for 11/15/11

Armed and dangerous -- no, not the cops...

-Headline of the Day-
"City Claims Occupy Wall Street Protesters Were Stockpiling Weapons, Fights Court Order To Reopen Park."

Them Occupy Wall Street commies got big piles of guns and stuff!

Wait, no. According to the City of New York, currently fighting a legal battle to declare Zuccatti Park a free-speech-free zone, are getting a little creative in their defense. Deputy Mayor Cas Holloway "filed a motion on behalf of the city today opposing a court order requiring the NYPD to allow Occupy Wall Street demonstrators back into Zuccotti Park."

In that motion, Holloway wrote, "It was our understanding that the protesters may have had a significant number of items that could potentially be used as weapons." For the record, that could be pretty much anything. The biggest threat to public safety cited were "cardboard tubes with metal pipes inside," which I guess are more weapony than just metal pipes. Other evidence of a heavily armed protesters includes the aftermath of an October 1st march across the Brooklyn Bridge, where authorities reportedly found "knives, mace and hypodermic needles were observed discarded on the roadway."

OK, I'm going to go ahead and call bullshit on that one. One, who discards a knife? Those things cost money. And cops have been macing protesters, not the other way around. Finally, hypodermic needles? Yeah, that's my weapon of choice, right up there with thumbtacks -- it's New York, those are called "litter." I'm surprised they didn't include used condoms in that list of "weaponry."

There's a lesson to be learned here, of course. If you're going to stockpile weapons (or be accused of it) make sure they're guns.

When the cops come to take your guns away, the NRA will have a hissy. Guaranteed. (Gothamist)


-Racism is dead!-


Click to embiggen

Except when it's not. (McClatchy)


-Bonus HotD-
"Scalia and Thomas dine with healthcare law challengers as court takes case."

You know, it's one thing to have a conflict of interest and it's quite another to go out of your way to create it. The first is called "random stuff that happens in life," the second is called "being a dick about it." (LA Times)

News Roundup for 4/27/11

Birthers never let a little thing like reality stand in their way before...

-Headline of the Day-
"Birther Legislator in Texas Not Convinced by Long-Form Certificate."

See? It's like a religion now. No amount of proof can ever put a dent in faith -- which should make you wonder about the real-world value of faith. Like climate change denial and the belief that Glenn Beck's a straight shooter who makes a lot of sense, birtherism is now a deeply held belief unsupported by any evidence. In fact, with the birthers it's worse, since the evidence they said they would accept is now being dismissed as insufficient.

One such dismisser of its suffiency is Leo Berman, a Texas state legislator and author of a birther bill. Sharon Guthrie, Berman's legislative director, says what President Obama released today simply will not do. ""What I've seen online, what they produced today, still says certificate of live birth across the top," she says. "We want to see a 'birth certificate.' The one that we have that says 'birth certificate' is from Mombassa, Kenya, with his footprint on it. He has still not produced an American birth certificate."

Does that thing about Mombasa sound like ridiculous bullshit? That's because it is. Guthrie is referring to a forgery used in an internet hoax.

So, for those keeping score -- an obvious forgery from a (then) non-existent Kenyan city is convincing proof, while an official document from the United States is not. In related news, up is down, backwards is forward, and "birther" is defined as anything other than "an incredibly stupid and gullible ass." (Weigel)


-Atlas Just Fucking Gives Up-
The Most Important Movie in Cinematic History is being panned by critics and producer John Aglialoro has had enough. Just because Atlas Shrugged is unbearably blowful is no reason to give it bad reviews. It is, after all, The Most Important Movie in Cinematic History. And, if the critics don't knock it off, he's not gonna make another one... and then they'll be sorry.

"Critics, you won," he says. "I'm having deep second thoughts on why I should do Part 2."

"Why should I put up all of that money if the critics are coming in like lemmings?" Aglialoro asks. "I'll make my money back and I'll make a profit, but do I wanna go and do two? Maybe I just wanna see my grandkids and go on strike."

This is an interesting word choice, because Atlas Shrugged is about rich people going on strike, after which civilization collapses because only rich people know how to do anything.

So clearly, if Atlas Shrugged: Part 2 isn't made, civilization -- or at least, the film industry -- may be doomed.

Speaking for myself, I'm willing to take that chance. (Los Angeles Times)


-Bonus HotD-
"A Children's Treasury of Brand-New Birther Theories To Explain Eveything."

Wonkette puts together some seriously desperate attempts by birthers to stay true to their faith and it's really fun to see. But one paragraph jumped out at me:

"Jerome Corsi is releasing a book through WND's press in a few days. It's called Where's the Birth Certificate?. (The answer to this title: on the front page of every news site today.)"

Perfect. (Wonkette)