Tomorrow's weather forecast: partly mushroom cloudy
-So this is how it all ends, with a tiny camera up Bush's butt-
Tomorrow, the president will undergo a routine colonoscopy at Camp David. At 61 years of age, it's probably a good idea. No news there. But there is reason to fear.
"During the time Bush... is under anesthesia, he would delegate power to Vice President Dick Cheney," the report warns. That's right, tomorrow America will be under the watchful eye of President Dick -- along with the 'nuclear football' and the launch codes. About five minutes after Bush is out, expect missiles to fly out toward Tehran. For reasons that I'll soon list, Florida will also have cause for worry.
I plan on spending the entire day cowering in my basement with my duct tape and plastic sheeting. (Reuters)
-Floridian jihad continues-
Following yesterday's news that a Patriot missile was found in Tampa, Florida's secret stash of WMD continues to be revealed, with a live 500 pound WWII era bomb discovered 'near a busy road in Clermont, Fla.'
"We do not know how long the bomb was on the property," Lake County sheriff's Sgt. Christie Mysinger said. "It was sitting above the ground so we believe it has probably been there for a while but probably wasn't initially dropped there." Hmmm, a bomb, a roadside... that's pretty much the definition of a 'roadside bomb.'
Future-President Cheney is said to be 'watching developments closely.' (Local6.com)
-Which brings us to...-
...the clincher. Headline; "Man, thinking he sees 'Iraq' people, fires rifle at Charlotte house." A Port Charlotte, FL man took shots at what he described as 'Iraq people' he saw running around in his neighbor's yard. No one was injured, but the gunman -- Arthur R. Miller -- shot the hell out of an air conditioner. No word on whether the Iraq people where carrying patriot missiles or 500 lb. bombs.
Miller told Sheriff's Deputies that he had 'mental problems,' but they didn't have to be detectives to figure that out on their own. Here's the mugshot fun:
A somewhat crazier Ernest Hemingway. Future-President Cheney reportedly has plans to pardon Miller, award him the Presidential Medal of Freedom, and make him our new Secretary of Defense. (Herald-Tribune)
1 comments:
In regard to Bush's colonoscopy...
Here are some of the jokes flying about in my neck of the woods:
Should be a great day for America, that Constitution has to be somewhere...
And maybe they'll finally locate the whereabouts of Tony Blair's head.
But all they're likely to find is Cheney's hand...
"I'm guessing Bush will make medical history as the first man to have a colonoscopy performed by a neurosurgeon."
"Rectum! Hell, I damn near killed um."
When they said Bin Laden was in a cave, they weren't kiddin'.
Colonoscopy, huh? George must be experiencing a speech impediment.
Wow! Jeff Gannon's a regular Renaissance man...Proctologist now?
Since Jeff left the White House, he's really been reaching for the stars...there seems to be no one...err, nothing that he can't do.
And I guess Bush will finally find out that he's a perfect A-Hole!
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