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Tuesday, September 07, 2010

News Roundup for 9/7/10

The Flash
Michele Bachmann

-Headline of the Day-
"Michele Bachmann runs away from CNN."

You gotta watch out for them Mama Grizzlies. They're tough. Why, you back them into a corner and they'll rear up, bare their claws, and take off running for the hills. First, there was Sharon Angle, whose response to tough questioning by the media was to skeedaddle. Then there was Jan Brewer, who lost her head over questions about phony propaganda about other headless people and beat a path for the door. And now Shelly Bachmann.

Man, them Mama Grizzlies are tough... And fast...

Here's what happened. Shelly was at the Minnesota State Fair and she wasn't eating fried twinkies and barfing on the Tilt-A-Whirl. No Siree-Bob. She was busy, busy, busy stomping around the fairgrounds with her entourage. So she let CNN's cameras follow her around to show how busy, busy, busy she was. What was she busy, busy, busy doing? Going from one wingnut talk radio booth to the next. See, crazy-assed talk radio blowhards are the only people you can really count on to ask the questions that matter, like "Tell us Shelly, how do you manage to be so awesome?" or "Is it hard to the Greatest Living American?" You know, the stuff Minnesotans really want to know.

Anyway, after following her stomping entourage around for a while, CNN figures they can try to ask a question, but no-no-no Shelly knows it's a trap! Eek! She's way too busy, busy, busy stomping around the fairgrounds and answering the tough questions about how great she is. So can't talk, gotta run, busy, busy, busy! No time for CNN. Eat her dust, suckers! Hahahaha!

"You are an insane lady," some guy reportedly yelled as she stomped past all busy, busy, busy. "She is crazy. Could anybody believe the crap that comes out of her mouth?"

Clearly, this is one voter who doesn't listen to enough talk radio. He probably watches CNN -- which means he has no idea what kind of crap comes out of her mouth, because she won't open it for them. (CityPages, with video)

-Everyone for themselves!-
On 9/11, Condoleezza Rice yelled at George W. Bush. At least, according to her. George was all "I gotta get back to Washington and lead the nation!" and Condi was all like "WHAT ARE YOU CRAZY!?! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE! SAVE YOURSELF! RUN!" So George split the difference between the two ideas and read kids a story about goats. Yeah, that doesn't really add up. I think Condi might be trying to help out her old hubby George with that one. Kinda polish the ol' legacy, if you know what I mean.

Anyway, everyone in the White House thinks this is it. It's the Big One. So they demonstrate Strong Leadership by jamming every single staffer into the White House bunker. Turns out that's not going to work, because according to Condi, "There were so many people in the bunker that the oxygen levels started dropping, and the secret service came in and said 'we've got to get some people out of here'. They literally went around telling people they weren't essential and they had to leave."

So all these people in the bunker who aren't Very Important Persons get tossed out to face the terr'ists or the North Koreans or the aliens or the Ron Paul Revolution -- seriously, they had no idea.

Can you imagine what working there must've been like after that? "Hey, remember that one time we were all in the bunker and you shoved me out the airlock to meet certain doom?"

The word you're looking for is "awkward..." (Raw Story)

-Bonus HotD-
"Religious Right Demands Inclusion in GOP Agenda."

As if the religious right isn't the GOP agenda. (Right Wing Watch)

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