News Roundup for 9/27/11

Where perfect GOP candidates come from

-Headline of the Day-
"Five Things Conservative Voters Would Hate About Chris Christie."

Hey, remember Shelly Bachmann? She was totally going to be the president earlier this summer, when she was voted Queen of the Iowa State Fair. But it turned out that she was dumb and crazy, so that cost her a little bit of support, and then she ate a corndog and it was over.

So off all the Republican voters ran to Texican President Rick Perry -- he's got a gun! Yay! But he turned out to be dumb and not nearly crazy enough, so that cost him a little bit of support, and then Mitt Romney got all competent on his ass and he's looking like he might be done.

Now everyone's all fired up over former pizza delivery guy Herman Cain, but he's just Shelly Bachmann in drag, so he's going to be done soon.

Enter new shiny object, Gov. Chris Christie of the Garden State. Everybody loves Christie for the same reasons they loved Bachmann, Perry, and Cain; they don't know anything about him, so it's easy to pretend he stands for exactly the same crazy stuff that any given GOP voter stands for. Chris-Chris has said he isn't going to run, his buddies say he isn't going to run, his family says he isn't going to run -- which I guess means he might run.

Anyway, the nuts aren't going to like him because, like Perry, he's insufficiently insane. Turns out he wants to give illegal immigrants amnesty, take everyone's guns away, believes in global warming, supports an Obama education program (which is automatically communism), and -- worst of all -- doesn't hate Muslims. At all.

Turns out that the biggest drawback for a GOP presidential candidate lies in not being imaginary. (New York Magazine)


-While we're on the subject...-
Jon Stewart elaborates.

The Daily Show with Jon Stewart
Get More: Daily Show Full Episodes,Political Humor & Satire Blog,The Daily Show on Facebook

So it's like that... (Comedy Central)


-Bonus HotD-
"Tony Perkins Says Christie's Anti-Bullying Position Will Be Problem For GOP."

See? Christie's against bullying and this is a problem.

This is what we're talking about. (ThinkProgress)

Stories to Watch: 6/2/11

Changed all my Gmail passwords. Did you change yours? Now here's the news...


Wisconsin isn't the only state with a recall effort going on. Arizona State Senator Russell Pearce -- author of that state's infamous "papers please" law -- is also facing recall. And it's going really, really well.


That twitpic that Rep. Anthony Weiner's doing a really lousy job of dealing with? Yeah, those may actually have been as planted as he says. A trail of evidence is beginning to reveal itself and it leads to a tea party twitterer and Andrew Brietbart. Try to act surprised.


The New York Times points out that no president has won reelection with unemployment this high since FDR. Here's what's wrong with that.


Obama's approvals continue to rise. Just as importantly, disapprovals fall to an 18 month low.


If you missed last night's rant by Jon Stewart on pizza, Trump, Palin, and forks, do yourself a favor. It was classic.


Finally, a lot of local news broadcasts say that they're "there when news happens." St. Louis' KSDK currently holds the best claim to that slogan.

Related articles

• Russell Pearce Critics File Recall Petition Against Arizona State Senator (huffingtonpost.com)
• Jon Stewart Goes To Bat For Rep. Anthony Weiner: 'His D*ck Is Just Not That Big' (mediaite.com)
• Weiner Trying to Get Back to Work One More Time (mediabistro.com)
• Rudy Giuliani On Running For President, Anthony Weiner, And "Hanging Out" In New Hampshire (businessinsider.com)

News Roundup for 4/8/11

Strangely, this isn't what gay people are like

-Headline of the day-
"Strategist For Anti-Gay Marriage Group Comes Out In Support Of Marriage Equality."

Doesn't seem like much of a strategy, if you ask me, but it turns out that Louis Marinelli of the National Organization for Marriage (NOM) is now for same-sex marriage.

According to the report, Marinelli -- who drove the bus during a national tour and "ran NOM’s Twitter account and Facebook page" -- "credits exposure to the NOM tour as the very thing that led to his change of heart." Turns out that he had crazy ideas about gays and lesbians because he'd never actually met any.

"Even though I had been confronted by the counter-protesters throughout the marriage tour, the lesbian and gay people whom I made a profession out of opposing became real people for me almost instantly," he confessed. "For the first time I had empathy for them and remember asking myself what I was doing."

The report goes on to say that "public opinion polling has found a correlation between knowing gay people and being supportive of equal rights for the LGBT community." See when you find out they aren't Nazi child-rapists who want to destroy western civilization and Christianity, they get a lot easier to like.

Weird, huh? (Wonk Room)


-So long, human joke factory-
Jon Stewart says goodbye to the cancelled Glenn Beck in the only fitting way -- by mocking Beck's "Professor Crazypants" shtick one last time.



Now I understand that some people outside the United States may not be able to get that embed to work, because Viacom are pricks. I don't know what to tell you, other than you totally shouldn't resort to torrents, because that would be wrong. (Mediaite)


-Bonus HotD-
"Bob Vander Plaats Tells ThinkProgress Homosexuality Is A 'Public Health Risk' Like Smoking."

Sounds like a certain Iowa anti-gay activist needs to go on a NOM bus tour. (ThinkProgress)

News Roundup for 3/9/11

Not if Republicans have their way

-Headline of the day-
"Wisconsin Senate leader admits union-busting bill is about defeating Obama."

Speaking with Fox's Megyn Kelly -- who I fell compelled to point out is just an awful, awful person -- Wisconsin senate majority leader Scott Fitzgerald -- or "Fitz," as no one calls him -- said that this whole "we gotta bust up the unions" thing has jack squat to do with any manufactured "budget crisis."

"If we win this battle, and the money is not there under the auspices of the unions, certainly what you're going to find is President Obama is going to have a much difficult, much more difficult time getting elected and winning the state of Wisconsin," he said. Thousands laid off, families seeing a drastic drop in their income, reduced tax revenues, falling consumer demand blowing a hole in economic recovery?

Who cares? They've got elections to win and, if that means screwing nearly everyone in Wisconsin to get there, then so be it.

Remember folks, today's Republican Party is looking out for you -- if by "looking out for" you mean "completely screwing over." (Raw Story, with video)


-Not those terr'ists, the other terr'ists!-
Jon Stewart takes on Rep. Peter King's "let's all be terrified of the Muslims!" hearings, scheduled to begin tomorrow.



A Republican and a hypocrite? Unheard of! (Crooks and Liars)


-Bonus HotD-
"Gingrich says he cheated on his wives because he felt so 'passionately' for 'this country'."

What, does Newt-level love of country give you a constant woody or something? I know they say that patriotism is the last refuge of a scoundrel, but this is taking it to a whole new level. (Raw Story, with video)