News Roundup for 11/30/11

At least Herman still has a way with the ladies

-Headline of the Day-
"Cain: 'Stupid people are ruining America.'"

And, as America's leading stupid person, Herman Cain ought to know.

"Here’s what I need you to do," Cain told a crowd in Dayton today. "Stay informed, know the facts because stupid people are ruining America."

"They are," he went on. "We just have to out-vote them."

And so far, it seems to be working. The more people know about Herman, the less they seem willing to vote for him.

"The former Godfather's Pizza CEO has referred to Uzbekistan as 'Ubeki-beki-beki-stan-stan,' didn’t seem to know that China has nuclear weapons, asked Cuban-Americans how to speak 'Cuban,' struggled to remember the U.S. role in ousting Libyan dictator Muammar Gaddafi, worried that the Taliban was forming a new government in Libya, and decided that CNN host Wolf Blitzer’s name was simply 'Blitz,'" the report reminds us.

Herman Cain will be happy to know that Herman Cain is one stupid person who doesn't stand a chance of ruining America. (Raw Story)


-Minor blessings-
Voters react to Herman Cain.


Click to embiggen

Thank goodness for small miracles. (Truthdig)


-Bonus HotD-
"Herman Cain's campaign a study in ineptitude."

Won't get any argument from me. (Politico)

Stories to Watch: 11/28/11

Herman Cain gets out in front of his latest scandal, by breaking the news himself on CNN. A woman in Georgia claims to have had a 13 year affair with Cain -- something Cain denies. At this point, it hardly matters anyway.


You've probably already heard that Barney Frank is retiring when his term is up. He's giving Newt a good kick on the way out.


Revelations of a $13B secret bailout highlight one of the biggest problems facing America -- too big to fail. Bust the trusts.


Newt Gingrich's Potemkin campaign.


Fox News totally misrepresents a NYT op-ed. Imagine my shock.


Greg Sargent reports that Democrats are definitely going to make income inequality and the 99% an issue in 2012.


Krugman points out that if you want to reduce the deficit, you're going to have to tax the rich -- a lot. Needless to say, this is the worst thing ever.


Congress is on the verge of wrecking the internet. Again I have to ask, if our deficit is such a big problem, why are we so eager to police companies' copyrights for free? This is something that the court system exists for -- if they want to protect copyright, let them sue like everyone else. I haven't noticed any media execs starving to death, so everything seems to be working just fine.


Finally, the GOP argument that the US has "the best healthcare in the world" is their other zombie lie.

Related articles

• WATCH: Barney Frank's Parting Bitchslap To Adulterer Hypocrite Newt Gingrich (queerty.com)
• Herman Cain denies affair allegations after woman claims 13-year extramarital relationship (nj.com)
• Barney Frank Bids Farewell, Wishes Newt Gingrich Luck (timesunion.com)
• Barney Frank Calls Newt Gingrich an 'Ideal Opponent' in 'Sanctity of Marriage' Debate Over DOMA: VIDEO (towleroad.com)

News Roundup for 11/14/11

Photo of the most prominent Muslim Herman Cain knows

-Headline of the Day-
"Cain: Majority of US Muslims share extremist views."

Rapidly plummeting in the polls, Herman Cain has decided to go back to what was working for him before this whole frontrunner/human scandal thing happened to him -- hating Muslims.

At a fun "pizza party" interview with GQ, the Hermanator took off his party hat and set aside his balloon for a moment, to make a serious point. "I have had one very well-known Muslim voice say to me directly that a majority of Muslims share the extremist views," Cain said.

Asked who the "very well-known Muslim voice" was voice was, Cain refused to answer.
None of your business, that's who. Herman would only repeat that it was a "a very prominent voice in the Muslim community." And, by "Muslim community," I think Herman Cain might mean his own head. Asked if he believed said unnamed voice, Herman said he did he did he really really did.

"Yes, because of the respect that I have for this individual," Herman said. "Because when he told me this, he said he wouldn't want to be quoted or identified as having said that."

Would this be the same Herman Cain who went on a jihad against Politico for using then-anonymous sources to "smear" him? Yes it would. And now here he is, using an anonymous (and likely made-up) Muslim to smear the majority of Muslims.

Once again we see a hard and fast rule of Republican politics; it's only OK when a Republican does it. (The Hill)


-Think Rick Perry "and the third one is..." jokes are played out?-


Click for full comic

How wrong you are. (GoComics)


-Bonus HotD-
"Confirmed Serial Adulterer Passes Alleged Serial Harasser in GOP Race."

The "family values" party. (Crooks and Liars)

News Roundup for 11/8/11

Rush Limbaugh's "Date Night" van

-Headline of the Day-
"Limbaugh On Cain Accusations: Political Correctness 'Has Now Spread To Behavior — Not Just Speech.'"

Rush Limbaugh has had it up to here with all this PC crap! Not only can't you say whatever you want without some liberal or minority or lady getting offended, now you can't even do whatever you want -- it's an outrage!

"Political correctness, which is censorship, has now spread to behavior -- not just speech," Rush told his audience of bobblehead dolls today. "It's spread to behavior." He then went on to pine for the good old days, when you could refer to women as "broads" and everyone was cool with it.

"I tell you, you women, why don’t you just make it official, put on some burqas?" he said, wrapping it all up in a neat bow of crazy. "And I’ll guaran-damn-tee you nobody’ll touch you. You put on a burqa, and everybody’ll leave you alone, if that’s what you want."

Of course, Herman Cain's problem isn't that it's politically incorrect to fondle an unwilling woman and pull her head down to your crotch -- it's pretty much legally incorrect. Cain's lucky he didn't walk away in handcuffs that day -- and not in a fun way.

But still, wouldn't it be better to live in Rush's world, where you can sexually assault any random person and have "Oh, don't be so PC!" as a perfectly legitimate defense?

Why, nowadays you can't roam around, doing whatever the fuck you want to whomever the fuck you want. It's like there's no anarchy anymore!

And is that really what the founders intended? (Talking Points Memo, with video)


-Herman Cain explains-


Click for full comic

That ought to clear everything up. (GoComics)


-Bonus HotD-
"Gazillionaire Mitt Romney Whines Gov’t Employees Earn More Than He Does."

No, really. (Wonkette, with video)

News Roundup for 11/7/11

Herman Cain conducts a job interview

-Headline of the Day-
"Fourth accuser: Cain 'reached for my genitals.'"

Herman Cain's sexual harassment scandal has, in the words of ThinkProgress' Ian Millhiser, been "upgraded to criminal sexual abuse." Of course, that's assuming the obviously Occupy-Wall-Street-supporting hippie commie America-hater is telling the truth.

And that accuser is Sharon Bialek, a registered Republican and tea party supporter. So there's that. No word on whether she wants to bring down the neo-feudal corporatist structure, but I'm going to go out on a limb and guess no.

According to Bialek, she met Cain to discuss finding a job in 1997. "At that time, I had on a black pleated skirt, suit jacket and a blouse," she said. "Instead of going into the offices, he suddenly reached over and he put his hand on my leg, under my skirt and reached for my genitals. He also grabbed my head and brought it towards his crotch." I guess Herman was confused about what sort of "job" she was looking for.

"I said, 'What are you doing? You know I have a boyfriend. This isn’t what I came here for,'" she recalled. "Mr. Cain said, 'You want a job, right?'"

"She reached out to Mr. Cain for help in finding another job," Bialek's attorney Gloria Allred explained. "Mr. Cain, instead, decided to provide her with his idea of a stimulus package."

Oh for chrissake, Gloria. Don't. Just don't. (Raw Story, with video)


-It's not all bad news-
There is a big winner in all this, after all:


Click to embiggen

Look at it this way Republicans; you're not losing a frontrunner, you're gaining someone who will have to do for the time being. (McClatchy)


-Bonus HotD-
"Report: News Corp. hired investigators to spy on hacking victims’ lawyers."

Wait, Rupert hired people to spy on the lawyers of the people he was spying on?

Scandals should really have less recursion, is all I'm saying. (Raw Story)

News Roundup for 11/2/11

Herman Cain harasses an Iowa crowd with a sexually suggestive gesture

-Headline of the day-
"Oklahoma Consultant Claims He Witnessed Cain Harassment."

Herman Cain's sexy sexual harassment sex scandal (SEX!) may have just moved from the abstract to the concrete. And, in the process, moved into the icky. According to the report, "Oklahoma political consultant Chris Wilson says if the woman behind the reported sexual harassment complaint against GOP Presidential hopeful Herman Cain is allowed to speak publicly, it'll be the end of Cain's run for the White House."

"I was the pollster at the National Restaurant Association when Herman Cain was head of it and I was around a couple of times when this happened and anyone who was involved with the NRA at the time, knew that this was gonna come up," Wilson told an Oklahoma radio station.

"This occurred at a restaurant in Crystal City [Virginia] and everybody was aware of it," he said. "It was only a matter of time because so many people were aware of what took place, so many people were aware of her situation, the fact she left---everybody knew with the campaign that this would eventually come up."

Wilson described the woman as a "a low level staffer who was maybe two years out of college" and says that, for legal reasons, he can't get too into it. But that it's pretty bad. "[I]f she comes out and talks about it, like I said, it'll probably be the end of his campaign."

Cain defenders are making a big deal about the fact that Wilson is a Perry backer. But if the allegations are true, would you really expect him to be supporting Herman Cain?

Think about it. (KTOK)


-This isn't going to help-
A lawyer for one of the women Cain is accused of harassing says that the confidentiality agreement keeping her from coming forward is out the window -- because Herman was bound by it as well.

According to the report, "[O]ne of the stipulations of the confidentiality agreement was that neither party could make disparaging remarks about the other. [Attorney Joel] Bennett said Cain violated that agreement on Fox News on Monday when he said that he had been told that the accuser’s performance in the workplace 'was not up to par.'"

FLASHBACK TO PREVIOUS ITEM: "If she comes out and talks about it... it'll probably be the end of his campaign."

She wants to come out and talk about.

OK, GOP voters. Back to the drawing board. (The Hill)


-Bonus HotD-
"AP Exclusive: Third worker says Cain harassed her."

Oh man, Herman. You are so screwed! (AP)

News Roundup for 11/1/11

"Ask me about my sex scandal -- please!"

-Headline of the Day-
"Mark Block Won't Talk About the Other Cain Scandal."

Did you know there were not one, but two scandals following the Herman Cain Train around like a black cloud? It's true! First, there's the sexy boom-chaka-wow-wow sexy sexual harassment sexy scandal broken by Politico and then there's some boring old money-laundering scandal broken by the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel. One's pretty serious and the other's really serious -- like someone could go to jail serious. So all the news networks are following Cain around with microphones, wondering why he won't shut up about the sexy boom-chaka-wow-wow sexy sexual harassment sexy scandal -- because they're smart like that.

Anyway, it turns out that if -- on the off-chance -- someone accidentally asks the Cain Train about the money-laundering scandal, they run into a brick wall. "We've retained independent counsel to look at the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel story," campaign manager Mark Block told a reporter when asked about it. What's that mean? You guys hire a lawyer or Sherlock Holmes or what? When asked again, Block gave pretty much the same answer.

When asked a third time, he said, "Why don't we talk about the campaign going forward?"

Or, if you don't want to talk about that, he's probably more than happy to talk about the sexy boom-chaka-wow-wow sexy sexual harassment sexy scandal. "Cain's campaign manager was once suspended from election work in Wisconsin because of election law violations," writes Dave Weigel. "He can't or won't talk now about more possible violations. It might be better for the Cain campaign if we all focus on Politico's story."

That's the sexy boom-chaka-wow-wow sexy sexual harassment sexy scandal, BTW. So if you're a journalist, make sure you ask Team Cain all about that one, OK?

I know they'd sure appreciate it. (Weigel)


-Subtle variations make all the difference-


Click to embiggen

(Truthdig)


-Bonus HotD-
"Ann Coulter On Herman Cain: Our Blacks Are Better Than Their Blacks."

For future reference, it's probably a bad idea for white people to refer to black people as a group in possessive terms -- given US history and all.

Try to keep that in mind, Annie. (Mediaite)

News Roundup for 10/27/11

The Herman Cain campaign

-Headline of the Day-
"As Cain Promotes His Management Skills, Ex-Aides Tell of Campaign in Chaos."

I'd say that someone's going to get fired for this, but all these people have already been fired. Apparently, the Cain campaign goes through staffers like oats through a horse. Former staffers complain that Cain's campaign is disorganized and haphazard, with the campaign almost completely ignoring state offices -- or even supplying them. "It was like they were running for sophomore class president," said one. "We couldn’t even get our own e-mail addresses," said another.

The report tells us that "basic supplies, like signs and bumper stickers, were hard to find. In many cases, [staffers] have to buy their own."

Meanwhile, Cain's busy touring states that don't mean jack, electorally. Apparently, it's super-important that he sell his book, I'm Herman Cain! Now Shut the Fuck up!. "His book tour took him mainly through the South, where primaries will not be held until February at the earliest," we're told. At one fundraising event, Cain stood up big-dollar donors and didn't tell anyone were he'd gone or even that he had left. "I [called his phone and] said, 'I'll see you upstairs,'" a former staffer recalls. "He said, 'Well, I'm at the airport.'"

All in all, the campaign sounds more like a publicity stunt to sell I'm Herman Cain! Now Shut the Fuck up! than it does an actual presidential campaign.

And his interpersonal skills are sketchy, at best. A memo was sent out to campaign staffers about riding in the car with the Hermanator; "Do not speak to him unless you are spoken to."

"I found it odd," said one former staff member.

Really? I find it dickish. (New York Times)


-Cartoon time with Mark Fiore-
Hey kids, here's a message from the Republican Party. Yay!


Click for animation

Off the record, the Republican Party is pretty crazy, kids... (MarkFiore.com)


-Bonus HotD-
"REPORT: House GOP’s ‘Job Creating’ Spending Cuts Destroyed 370,000 Jobs."

Oops! (ThinkProgress)

News Roundup for 10/25/11

Pat Robertson

Headline of the Day-
"Even Pat Robertson Thinks Republican Voters Are Too Extreme."

Yikes! Pat Robertson -- the man who said that Methodists and Presbyterians are the antichrist, who agreed with Jerry Falwell that "pagans, abortionists, feminists, gays, lesbians, the American Civil Liberties Union, and the People For the American Way" were responsible for 9/11, who claimed that a massive earthquake was the Haitians' own damned fault for being Satan worshipers, and who said that Scotland was a "dark land" ruled by the Homosexual Menace -- thinks GOP voters are too extreme. And they better listen to him, because he could kick all of their asses -- he can leg press a literal ton!

"Those people in the Republican primary have got to lay off of this stuff," Pat said on his TV show, Drinking Paint for Jesus. "They’re forcing their leaders, the frontrunners, into positions that will mean they lose the general election. Now whether this did it to Cain I don’t know, but nevertheless, you appeal to the narrow base and they’ll applaud the daylights out of what you’re saying and then you hit the general election and they say ‘no way’ and then the Democrat, whoever it is, is going to just play these statements to the hilt. They’ve got to stop this! It’s just so counterproductive!"

"Well, if they want to lose, this is the game for losers," he went on.

It was a rare moment of clarity for Pat, who then slipped back into dementia and tried to filet an audience member, apparently believing he was hosting a cooking show. (Right Wing Watch, with video)


-Putting the 'geniuses' in 'evil geniuses'-
A can't-lose move by Koch & Koch.


Click for full comic

And that's just the first step. Next, they'll corner the market on vuvuzelas and giant street puppets. (GoComics)


-Bonus HotD-
"After Calling It ‘A Good Issue To Keep Alive,’ Perry Says Birther Conspiracy Is ‘One Of The Biggest Distractions.'"

Obvious conclusion: Perry's rapidly deteriorating basketcase of a campaign really needs a good distraction. (ThinkProgress, with video)

Stories to Watch: 10/24/11

Leftovers tonight. Part of the joy of being a good cook is having good leftovers so you don't have to cook. Now here's the news...


This one gets a little circuitous, so bear with me. Karl Rove, while literally pointing to a list of candidate gaffes, argues on Fox News that the Herman Cain campaign has "peaked" and that he's probably run his course as a contender for the GOP nomination. In response, Cain says that Rove's analysis is "a deliberate attempt to damage me because I am not, quote unquote, the establishment choice."

Here's the thing: Cain is probably half-right. Rove is trying to derail his campaign, but not because he's not "the establishment choice." It's because of all the items on Rove's list. Cain's a ridiculous clown who couldn't possibly win against Obama, so the smart thing to do is head this disaster off at the pass.

***
Speaking candidate gaffes: Herman Cain has reportedly agreed to a one-on-one debate with Newt Gingrich. Not at all sure what the reasoning is here -- Newt's already an also-ran, so this wouldn't help anyone but Gingrich, and -- as feverishly crazy as Newt actually is -- he's still Cain's intellectual superior. I cannot see anyone walking away from this event thinking, "Now there was a bright move by the Hermanator."


Michele Bachmann's New Hampshire campaign implosion goes scandalously public.


American's don't think much of the electoral college.


Mittens makes it clear that he's running as the candidate who's not insane.


Evidence that not even Herman Cain is taking Herman Cain's candidacy seriously.


Finally, the President rolls over congress to provide mortgage relief.

Related articles

• Herman Cain Accuses Karl Rove Of 'Deliberate Attempt To Damage' Him (mediaite.com)
• Rove calls Cain's gaffes 'really deadly' (thehill.com)
• Herman Cain: Former Biz Whiz? Try Lobbyist (newser.com)

News Roundup for 10/3/11

Noted anti-prejudice expert, Herman Cain
-Headline of the Day-
"Herman Cain faces backlash for 'playing race card' against Rick Perry."

Just a heads up before we get started here, this is a story without any good guys, like The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly.

By now you've probably heard of Rick Perry's association with a hunting camp and the use of a word that's so offensive that many mainstream news outlets have been reduced to pointless censorship by referring to it as "N*ggerhead." Seriously, that's not avoiding anything other than spelling it right.

Anyhoo, Herman Cain got wind of the story and told Fox News Sunday that for Perry to "leave [a rock with the word 'Niggerhead' painted on it] there as long as he did, before I hear that they finally painted over it, is just plain insensitive to a lot of black people in this country."

At this point, I'm going to chime in a remind everyone that Herman Cain is a bigot himself. In other words, prejudice sucks when it's directed Herman Cain's way, but if you want to hate everyone else, knock yourself out.

But Herman's problem here isn't the obvious hypocrisy. Herman's problem lies where conservatives' problems with the base always lie; in embracing reality. Because Herman Cain complaining about racism is the worst thing ever!

"Daily Intel rounds up numerous conservatives on Twitter lambasting Cain for 'smearing a good man.' The Daily Caller calls Cain 'at worst, highly irresponsible.' The mostly subliterate RedState commenters have convinced themselves that Cain is the real racist for going after Perry," reports Alex Pareene. And, of course, Erick-Erick joins in on the fun, because you can always count on him to be an idiot.

The problem is that Rick Perry is a Tea Party type. Of course, so's Herman Cain. But when someone accuses a Tea Party type of racism, that means the accuser is a commie. Automatically. They're just trying to discredit a movement that marches around with pictures of Barack Obama with a bone through his nose. You know what's racist? Calling the Tea Party racist, that's what!

"Herman Cain is going to very quickly learn that the modern conservative movement only wants to hear good, happy stories about how they successfully eradicated all white racism many years ago," Pareene predicts.

Normally, I'm against political predictions, but I'd bet money on that one. (Salon)


-Good news/bad news-


Click to embiggen

Forget gay marriage, how do we explain species-suicide to our kids? (McClatchy)


-Bonus HotD-
"Half of Republicans Don't Know What 'G.O.P.' Means."

A recent poll shows that nearly half of Republican voters don't know that "GOP" stands for "Grand Old Party." Best guesses among the wrong were "Government of the People," "Grumpy Old People," "God's Own Party," and "Gauntlet of Power."

No foolin'. (Wonkette)